Remember that time Superman got drunk and accused Marilyn Monroe of being Oswald's second gunman?
Yeah, that was weird.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
But seriously Robyn, I hear you asking, why the hell are you writing comical-in-quotation-marks reviews of MREs?
I’ll tell you why. I write them because, as a child, it was my dream to become the funniest person ever to review video games.
That dream was shattered when Gael Greene's hilarious review of GTA: Vice City set the bar impossibly high. But I'm plucky in defeat, and consoled myself by resolving to become the funniest person to ever review combat rations. It has the same number of syllables, but it's a much less competitive category. I have a chance to pull it off, assuming I can keep The Spoony Experiment's Noah Antwiler off my turf.
|This man is too dangerous.|
He cannot be allowed to learn of MREs.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Allow me to restate that, in case you think (for some strange reason) that I’m taken to hyperbole: Birthdays are worse than the fucking Nazis. They’re worse than the black death. They’re worse than the Carrot Top movie.
Okay, okay, maybe that last one is going too far, but suffice it to say that I really hate them. When I say I hate birthdays, I mean that I loathe them with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. If engineers could find a way to draw power from my hatred of birthdays at a mere 0.1% efficiency, humanity would instantly become a type II civilization, and I could finally check that off my bucket list.
For one thing, I don’t get the celebration.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Hyperdrive is no Red Dwarf. Let’s get that out of the way first thing. It was billed as a kind of spiritual heir to Red Dwarf, but it just doesn’t measure up to that lofty standard. Seriously, though, what the hell does? If Mark Twain collaborated with Jane Austen and God to write a sci-fi comedy show, it wouldn't be half as awesome as the first six seasons of Red Dwarf. It might, of course, rival seasons 7 and 8, and let's not speak of the movie. Or the extra season after that.
What the fuck Red Dwarf? Learn to end gracefully.
Anyway, we were talking about Hyperdrive.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Crossing the External Threshold: Swallowing
You ignorant son-slash-daughter of a bitch.
Swallowing in humans is a nuanced and complex affair, requiring the coordinated execution of voluntary and involuntary motions, precisely timed to send food down your greedy gullet.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
My spies have informed me that Toby Harrison, longtime (relatively speaking) friend of the blog, is recklessly encouraging kids to travel through time.
I just want you all to know, so if you find yourself erased from existence, you'll know who to blame.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
|It's Microfinance Time.|
And it is without hesitation that I ask, nay, order you to buy Bob Harris's new book, The International Bank of Bob. So stop whatever you're doing. Turn off that web browser, put down that baby, shut down that air traffic control station, toss that beryllium dome back onto its sub-critical mass of plutonium, and go buy this book.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The modern combat ration would not be possible without an unassuming little technological marvel called a