Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Digestive System, Part 8: Liver and Cecum

Liver

Okay, so by now you've absorbed all those tasty amino acids, sugars, fats, vitamins, and minerals. They've passed through the enterocytes and into the bloodstream (with the exception of some fats and fat-soluble vitamins, which at this point are still wandering around lost in the lymphatic system.) But, now that the bulk of nutrients are in the bloodstream, they must be rushing to the four corners of the body, to be shared equally by your cells and tissues, right?

You’re so ignorant, you disgust me.

Of course they aren't! You can't just give them free rein to wander around wherever they please! There could be terrorists in those nutrients. And what do we do to keep out terrorists? We give them a security screening.

So please remove all shoes and jackets, and place all metal and electronic devices in the tray, because you're in line for the hepatic portal system.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

MRE Review: Menu 19, Beef Roast


In the last couple reviews, we’ve been exploring the problem of MRE under-consumption. According to research commissioned during and after the first Gulf War, the primary problems were:
  1. The food is shit
  2. Field conditions are not conducive to eating
  3. People are fucking stupid
Today, we’ll look at the second item on the list, in an essay that I like to call…

It Ain’t Easy to Eat Dinner When You’re Posted Downwind of a Latrine

Monday, October 21, 2013

I AM AMAZING

Seven jelly beans at once

Check it out. I just poured seven random jelly beans into my hand and I got one of each color in the bag.

By my estimation, the odds of this occurance are 7!/7^7, which is (7/7)x(6/7)x(5/7)x(4/7)x(3/7)x(2/7)x(1/7).

That's one chance in 163.4. BOOYAH.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm heading out to play that game from The Deer Hunter. You know, darts. They played darts at some point in that movie, right?

Friday, October 11, 2013

UPDATES!

Update 1

You may have noticed by now that the most wonderful thing to ever happen in the entire history of the world is now adorning the header of this blog. If you're reading on a mobile and can't see the header image, immediately run to the nearest computer (it doesn't have to be yours) and take a look. Seriously, just push whoever's using the computer out of the way. Tell them it's an emergency.

Huge, huge thanks to Emily Cammisa for drawing and coloring the Gorn and Robyn-Redshirt chibis. You can see a full sized version without the blog title here. In fact, if you are on a mobile, you could just follow that link instead of assaulting a random stranger. Or whatever. Either's okay.

In any event, please immediately visit Emily's website and commission something for personal or commercial use. She also has Etsy and Zazzle shops, with cool t-shirts, mouse pads, keychains, and jewelry. So head on over and treat yourself to something nice, or offer to buy something for any strangers you've recently assaulted, so they don't sue you.

UPDATE 1.1: Emily has a Tumblr blog! Check out her Halloween decorations!

Update 2

We've recently expanded the list of According2Robyn-approved blogs that you are permitted and required to read.

fisticuffsandshenanigans: What happens when a mom and three kids stop being polite and start getting real? AWESOMENESS. Awesomeness is what happens.

No, I'm Not Talking to Myself: The thoughtful, hilarious musings and travails of a leftie Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson fan who is just too damn sexy for her own good.

Joy in the Midst of: Here at According2Robyn, we don't usually endorse joy, but Stevie's blog is going places and we want to latch on early (like a remora.) A couple years from now, when all your friends are saying, "Did you read the latest JitMo article?" (because people will just be calling it JitMo by then,) you can either answer, "Oh, I've been reading JitMo for years," or you can stare blankly and be mocked for being so far behind the times. Your call.

And, of course, don't forget our incumbent blogrollers, Robyn Straley and Toby Harrison.  Other-Robyn writes about food and life, while Toby is... possibly lost on a glacier somewhere. Comment if you're alive, Toby! We sent the dogs out to find you, but had to call them back when we realized they had the last of the brandy.

Update 3

According2Blogger, many of you have already noticed that I've added an About Me section to the links below the header. So, you know, go read that if your life is so empty that you're entertained by mundane crap about me.

No judgement.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Letter Writing Has Not Gone Out of Style

Hey, have you guys ever read The Lazlo Letters?

As far as zany performance art goes, it's second to none. And, well... let's just say that it's been a bad influence on me. Here's an actual letter that I recently sent to Nathan's Hot Dogs:

Letter to Nathan's Famous Hotdogs: Obscene shape


After I sent that letter off, I sat down and thought, "Okay, I've had my fun. Now, how can my letters help improve the world?" The answer presented itself immediately:

Letter: Beau Bridges


And then, I'm ashamed to say, I reverted to form:

Letter to Queen of England: Bohemian Rhapsody



Plain text transcripts after the break...

Monday, October 7, 2013

Google is sick

A recent google maps search...

Animal Hospital Food

I mean, seriously people. How can the animal hospital not have any reviews, when Wing Fiesta has 2 and Subway has 8?

If anyone lives near there, please go eat at the animal hospital and post a review.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Presented Without Comment

Presented without comment—but with a long sigh at the end—the top two Google search terms that lead people to this blog:

SEO is for dicks.

Sigh.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Digestive System, Part 7: The Ileum

Small Intestines: Jejunum and Ileum

The border between the jejunum and the ileum is… not a border. Unlike the organs we've been looking at so far, there is no clear demarcation line between jejunum and ileum. They transition smoothly into each other as we travel down the small intestine, becoming progressively less jejunumy and more ileumy as they go. With no anatomical guidepost to demarcate them, the jejunum is arbitrarily designated as the first 2/5ths of the small intestine (not including the duodenum,) and the ileum is said to make up the last 3/5ths.

The two are not very different. You can have your entire jejunum removed, in fact, with little effect on your health. I mean, I wouldn't recommend super-sizing your meals if you don't have a jejunum, but you can live a basically normal life. Over time, the ileum will even adapt itself, becoming more jejunumy in order to take up the slack.1