Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Header Rotation

I'm going to start rotating the four great headers that Emily Cammisa made for me, so they all get their chance in the spotlight. If you like the artwork, you can commission your own at her website. And Emily's rates are so reasonable, you're basically stealing from a hard-working artist. It's awesome.

Also, this week's article is running a little late, but it should be up by mid-morning, Pacific time.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Health

Doctor Grover

Minor health issues run in my family.

Myopia. Allergies. Joint dysfunction. Hearing loss. Sleep apnea. GERD. High blood pressure. Chronic buffoonery. If it's painful or annoying, but not debilitating, then we have it.

In a more sensible age, we might have been left out in the wilderness to die, but the modern world has decided that we're worth keeping around—for at least as long as our health insurance holds out. But I've often wondered how our family line survived the rigors of the prehistoric world, where any one of our many issues would spell death at an early age.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

When You Have Vampires, Part 1

Wall of vampires through the ages

Vampires: the princes of darkness, the scourge of innocence, and the sexiest goddamn dead people you’ll ever meet. Think you can survive? You’ve survived a zombie apocalypse, after all. You’ve avoided the pitfalls of being a superhero’s girlfriend. So you’re ready for vampires, right?

No, you’re not.

Unlike those shambling hordes of half-rotten zombies, and unlike those cretinous superheroes, vampires have a way of sneaking into your life before you even know they’re there. But there’s hope. If you follow these handy tips, you too can uncover, survive, and even slay the most seductive and cunning tribe of the undead.

Read on, mortal chattel.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The Proterozoic, Part 1

Proterozoic Land

Imagine yourself on a barren world. The atmospheric pressure is high enough to walk around without a space suit, but there are only trace amounts of oxygen, so you'll have to wear a respirator. Oh and, I’d wear a hat too, since the UV radiation is high enough to kill you within hours. Sorry, I should have told you that before you got here. My bad. You might want to put some aloe on that sunburn.

The landscape is bleak, nothing but desert sands and bedrock scoured clean by unrelenting erosion. You see, there are no plants here to firm up the soil. There isn’t any proper soil, for that matter, because there’s nothing alive to make soil. Soil—the kind of soil we’re familiar with—is bound together with organic matter that doesn't exist here.

Yeah, this place is so barren, it doesn’t even have dirt.