tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349437870997198152024-03-05T03:29:15.276-05:00According2RobynA weekly journal of science, geekery, and some third thing.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.comBlogger97125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-67455684774490543302017-05-02T16:16:00.001-04:002017-05-02T16:16:06.692-04:00It has arrivedMy book is now officially on sale, and boy do I have some links for you.<br />
<br />
Here are some of the reviews, interviews, and articles by or about myself or my wonderful little degenerate of a debut novel:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://alexbledsoe.com/2017/04/10/guest-post-robyn-bennis-on-the-uselessness-of-writing-advice/">http://alexbledsoe.com/2017/04/10/guest-post-robyn-bennis-on-the-uselessness-of-writing-advice/</a><br />
<a href="http://www.lawrencemschoen.com/tag/eating-authors/">http://www.lawrencemschoen.com/tag/eating-authors/</a><br /><a href="http://www.torforgeblog.com/2017/05/01/the-evolution-of-technology-in-the-guns-above/">http://www.torforgeblog.com/2017/05/01/the-evolution-of-technology-in-the-guns-above/</a><br /><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/5/1/15476168/sci-fi-fantasy-horror-books-recommendations-may-2017">https://www.theverge.com/2017/5/1/15476168/sci-fi-fantasy-horror-books-recommendations-may-2017</a><br /><a href="http://www.jeanbooknerd.com/2017/05/the-guns-above-by-robyn-bennis-review.html">http://www.jeanbooknerd.com/2017/05/the-guns-above-by-robyn-bennis-review.html</a><br /><a href="https://theillustratedpage.wordpress.com/2017/05/01/review-of-the-guns-above-by-robyn-bennis/">https://theillustratedpage.wordpress.com/2017/05/01/review-of-the-guns-above-by-robyn-bennis/</a><br /><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/sci-fi-fantasy/best-science-fiction-fantasy-books-may-2017/">http://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/sci-fi-fantasy/best-science-fiction-fantasy-books-may-2017/</a><br />
<a href="https://everydayshouldbetuesday.wordpress.com/2017/05/02/review-the-guns-above-robyn-bennis/">https://everydayshouldbetuesday.wordpress.com/2017/05/02/review-the-guns-above-robyn-bennis/</a><br /><a href="http://maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/favorite-bit-robyn-bennis-talks-guns/">http://maryrobinettekowal.com/journal/favorite-bit-robyn-bennis-talks-guns/</a><br /><a href="http://www.fantasyliterature.com/reviews/the-guns-above/">http://www.fantasyliterature.com/reviews/the-guns-above/</a><br /><a href="https://powderandpage.wordpress.com/2017/05/02/the-guns-above-by-robyn-bennis-review/">https://powderandpage.wordpress.com/2017/05/02/the-guns-above-by-robyn-bennis-review/</a><br /><a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/sci-fi-fantasy/weeks-new-sci-fi-fantasy-books-divine-politics-mushroom-zombies-murderbots/">http://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/sci-fi-fantasy/weeks-new-sci-fi-fantasy-books-divine-politics-mushroom-zombies-murderbots/</a><br /><a href="http://garrettcalcaterra.blogspot.com/2016/12/steampunk-author-interview-robyn-bennis.html">http://garrettcalcaterra.blogspot.com/2016/12/steampunk-author-interview-robyn-bennis.html</a><br /><a href="http://www.tor.com/2017/05/02/book-reviews-the-guns-above-by-robyn-bennis/">http://www.tor.com/2017/05/02/book-reviews-the-guns-above-by-robyn-bennis/</a><br />
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Feel free to take the day off work to read them.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-24977470958215167812017-04-30T19:20:00.000-04:002017-04-30T19:20:18.527-04:00The Guns Above is nearly here!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Fl6xZgYjfUAvxcQAflnGNsuhVh8vyYTTaAOl6fmwAM384e-K0fgT2AfiGAkF8wdNCE36TDSGKqVw8m0SC1UJhe4etUXf5H1h7acf1HZ-MhNv8FHaDecVocyv0oe1dGuCNTvkwOyJIGo/s1600/The_Guns_Above_cover_3low.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Fl6xZgYjfUAvxcQAflnGNsuhVh8vyYTTaAOl6fmwAM384e-K0fgT2AfiGAkF8wdNCE36TDSGKqVw8m0SC1UJhe4etUXf5H1h7acf1HZ-MhNv8FHaDecVocyv0oe1dGuCNTvkwOyJIGo/s1600/The_Guns_Above_cover_3low.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span class="ember-view">It's nearly here! My debut novel, a steampunk fantasy filled with witty dialogue and ladies who shoot people, is coming out on Tuesday, May 2nd! You can find more information, links to excerpts, and ordering information on my website, here:</span></div>
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<span class="ember-view"><a href="http://www.robynbennis.com/the_guns_above.htm">http://www.robynbennis.com/the_guns_above.htm</a></span></div>
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<span class="ember-view">And if you happen to be in the San Francisco area next weekend, why not drop by one of my events? There will be readings and signings at both.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Saturday, May 6th, 3:00pm</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://borderlands-books.com/index.html"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Borderlands Books</span></b></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></b></div>
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866 Valencia St. <br />
San Francisco CA 94110<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sunday, May 7th, 6:30pm</span></b></div>
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<a href="http://www.sfinsf.org/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">SF in SF at The American Bookbinders Museum</span></b></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></b></div>
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355 Clementina St.<br />
San Francisco, CA<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Please feel free to forward this invitation to as many people as you'd like, and bring as many as you'd like to the events, as high turnout can generate the sort of early enthusiasm that's critical for a debut author's success.</span>Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-56723949346660899462017-04-03T17:28:00.003-04:002017-04-03T17:29:37.584-04:00ONE DAY LEFT<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeSDd7Rhfc6JTJHrExQyEXj2Nu2EBANErEp62jDdb85lwKHngBNHDWufXB25MQDcued0jkculg305ukdy32OJhsTVlQWsyPkL8OpIXhsoOos3YC_x-1NAgpyV7hcypzHFFpnB1Tk9XDeo/s1600/GunaAbove-cover_medium.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeSDd7Rhfc6JTJHrExQyEXj2Nu2EBANErEp62jDdb85lwKHngBNHDWufXB25MQDcued0jkculg305ukdy32OJhsTVlQWsyPkL8OpIXhsoOos3YC_x-1NAgpyV7hcypzHFFpnB1Tk9XDeo/s320/GunaAbove-cover_medium.jpg" width="212" /></a> </div>
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ONE DAY LEFT to enter to win one of ten advanced copies of my steampunk adventure novel, <i>The Guns Above</i>!<br />
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/221244-the-guns-above">https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/221244-the-guns-above</a><br />
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Have I not mentioned this giveaway before now, when there's one day left to enter? Yeah. I forget this blog exists sometimes.<br />
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SO ENTER NOW!Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-73906819381565528132017-01-30T15:39:00.007-05:002017-01-30T15:43:40.068-05:00Guest-Post at Balloon JuiceHey everyone!<br />
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Yesterday I did a little guest-post over at Balloon Juice, on the topic of writing spaces and staying productive in troubled times. Let me just give you a teaser:<br />
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<div class=">You’d think “where I write” and “how I stay productive in Nyarlathotep’s America” would be separate topics, but they aren’t.</span></blockquote>
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<div class=">If you'd like to read the rest, just <a href="https://www.balloon-juice.com/2017/01/29/writers-chatting-chapter-three/">head on over there</a>.</span>Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-4772749475629340162016-12-18T11:17:00.002-05:002016-12-18T11:17:20.344-05:00Interview at The Machine StopsHello one and all! Did you know I was interviewed by Garrett Calcaterra over on <a href="http://garrettcalcaterra.blogspot.com/">The Machine Stops</a>? I could have sworn I'd already posted about this, but during my routine bimonthly review of this blog to remove incriminating material, I realized I hadn't.<br />
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The interview was a lot of fun, and I think you'll have fun reading it. You can find it right <a href="http://garrettcalcaterra.blogspot.com/2016/12/steampunk-author-interview-robyn-bennis.html">here</a>.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-29687064876097001542016-11-30T16:00:00.001-05:002016-11-30T16:04:32.095-05:00Review: Unwrap My Heart by Alex Falcone and Ezra FoxWhen I first scammed a free review copy of <a href="http://unwrapmyheart.com/"><i>Unwrap My Heart</i></a>, I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. Sure, co-authors Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox have shown, across hundreds of episodes of the <i>Read It and Weep</i> podcast, that they are great at dissecting bad books. But, as I discovered about halfway through performing my own knee surgery to save money, putting things together is a lot harder than taking things apart.<br />
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<i>Unwrap My Hear</i>t is a YA supernatural parody romance, first conceived on the <i>Read It and Wee</i>p podcast. The book is narrated from the perspective of high schooler Sophia, who finds herself falling in love with the new guy Seth—who's pretty obviously a secret mummy. The sunken, hollow eyes and bandages are a bit of a giveaway, though most people pass it off as a hipster affectation. Sophia, for her part, is accident prone to the point of constant self-endangerment, so vacuous that you wonder what Seth could possibly see in her, and entirely unperturbed as Seth graduates from creepy stalker behavior, to infantilizing her, to outright manipulation by selective refusal to communicate.<br />
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If any of this sounds oddly familiar, it's because <i>Unwrap My Heart</i> rarely strays from its chief well of parody: the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. Even when it does depart, it does so with a nod (or perhaps a middle finger) to the popular series about a hundred-year-old vampire dating a teenage girl. Take the moment when Seth clears up some confusion regarding his own age:<br />
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"We're basically the same age. Which is good, really. Monster or no, if I was hundreds or thousands of years older than you this would be a really troubling relationship."</blockquote>
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But is <i>Unwrap My Heart</i> any good? And have I been stalling on answering that question, in the hopes of screwing with the authors' heads, playing upon their emotional and artistic investment for no better reason than my own sadistic pleasure? The answer to both questions is a resounding "yes," and if you've forgotten what the first question even was, let me reiterate: I loved every page of this wonderful little book.<br />
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The voice of <i>Unwrap My Heart</i> is reminiscent of the playful, sarcastic tone of a <i>Read It and Weep</i> episode, and I was pleased to discover that the authors' skill at podcasting is matched by a skill for novel-writing. The book has a coherent, satisfying, and well-paced plot. The prose is smooth. The jokes come frequently enough to keep you chuckling, but not so thick as to take you out of the story, or to turn it into a hollow farce. Against all odds, a couple of podcasters decided to base their first novel on an off-hand joke from the show, and somehow managed to create a real page turner.<br />
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The one area where the book falls short is in the characters. While they are undeniably interesting, for the most part they aren't terribly engaging. Considering the book's core purpose—to satirize the genre and make a mockery of fantasy writers tapping ever-more-outlandish creatures for teenage girls to have a problematic romance with—it's hard to fault the authors for this. But I will fault them, both because they chose their premise and now must live with it, and because it turns out I'm kind of a jerk.<br />
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The great shortcoming in the characters is that, for the most part, they're simply not characters. Instead, they're jokey reflections of characters from other books. Sophia's dad is warm-hearted, devoted, and rocks an amazing mustache because the dad in <i>Twilight </i>has these traits. Motivations and hobbies seem to exist solely to service a joke or reference. I could easily forgive this if the book was a farce through and through, but there's a welcome thread of sincerity weaved into its pages which makes you want to care about these characters, while the characters themselves give you little to care about.<br />
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But this is not a fatal flaw. Despite the weak characters, <i>Unwrap My Hear</i>t is an absolute delight to read. It's a balm for these trying times and an antidote to the abusive romances found in so much bestselling YA fiction. I found myself staying up late, walking to the store with my nose buried in my Kindle, and reading in a parked car for so long that my neighbors worried I was having a stroke, because I just couldn't put it down.<br />
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In short, I highly recommend this book and I can't wait to see what these folks cook up next.<br />
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<i>Unwrap My Heart </i>will be available December 1st, 2016 on Amazon and through the book's website at <a href="http://unwrapmyheart.com/">http://unwrapmyheart.com/</a><br />
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Note also that familiarity with the Twilight series and other books in that genre is not required to enjoy <i>Unwrap My Heart</i>, but if you really want to brush up on it, the <i>Read It and Weep</i> crew have you covered with the <a href="http://read-weep.com/#!/episode.php/twilight-by-stephanie-meyer-the-beginning">extensive review</a> that kicked off their podcast.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-79367287394127804872016-11-05T01:24:00.002-04:002016-11-05T01:25:40.967-04:00How It Should Will Have Ended: A Song of Ice and FireGarrett Calcaterra, author and blogger extraordinaire, invited me and some other authors to finish off the A Song of Ice and Fire series. You know, just in case George R. R. Martin is hit by a bus. Or dies peacefully in his sleep from a sudden and painless ailment. I don't know why it always has to be buses.<br />
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ANYWAY!<br />
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Head on over there and check it out!<br />
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<a href="http://garrettcalcaterra.blogspot.com/2016/11/how-would-you-finish-george-rr-martins.html">http://garrettcalcaterra.blogspot.com/2016/11/how-would-you-finish-george-rr-martins.html</a>Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-19384928534599044462016-10-01T04:00:00.000-04:002016-10-09T12:09:50.915-04:00Early Aircraft as Tools of WarLast month, we examined the earliest attempts at unpowered flight, and saw humanity as a fledgling bird, taking its first uncertain hops into the glorious skies above. Now we'll explore the next logical step: using the skies to kill people.<br />
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We already touched on this in the <a href="http://according2robyn.blogspot.com/2016/09/history-of-flight-unpowered-flight.html">previous article</a>, where we learned that the first documented use of the Kongming lantern was to frighten enemy troops, and that early kites were employed in military signaling and propaganda. But what about balloons big enough to lift a person?<br />
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My Balloon Against the World</center>
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In Europe, as in China, military applications soon followed the invention of flying machines. In 1796, just ten years after the first recorded flight of a manned balloon, the French Revolutionary Army found itself outmatched and outnumbered. France was at war with a coalition consisting of Prussia, Austria, Great Britain, Spain, Sardinia, Naples, the Dutch Republic, Ducklovia, Gondor, the Romulans, and I think probably Chuck Norris. The French National Convention's first response was… well, it was probably to shit their pants. But the second response was to institute the levée en masse, conscripting all able bodied men aged 18-25 into military service and ushering in a new era of total war in Europe.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSBDSDB2jEbOeL-zot0rCdEeKOXQwd004DBJzmz8Lmu3JZnIzU5aEHeJLPw7kO9DxwsKj-tnmlPN34n1h82UnLe7c0oEMuelZNrb07gN1qs0e-LFNqG-3sbRFCq9iVTPIhrXd0at_aY5g/s1600/Early_flight_02562u_%252810%2529_Jean+Marie-Joseph+Coutelle_Fleurus_PublicDomain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Captain Coutelle at the battle of Fleurus" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSBDSDB2jEbOeL-zot0rCdEeKOXQwd004DBJzmz8Lmu3JZnIzU5aEHeJLPw7kO9DxwsKj-tnmlPN34n1h82UnLe7c0oEMuelZNrb07gN1qs0e-LFNqG-3sbRFCq9iVTPIhrXd0at_aY5g/s320/Early_flight_02562u_%252810%2529_Jean+Marie-Joseph+Coutelle_Fleurus_PublicDomain.jpg" title="Captain Coutelle at the battle of Fleurus" width="218" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Captain Coutelle at the battle of Fleurus</td></tr>
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But it wasn’t enough to simply have more men on the field, so the Revolutionary Army looked for new tactics and new ideas. Among these was the Compagnie D'Aerostiers, or Company of Balloonists. The advantage offered by aerial warfare, however, was not recognized by everyone. Upon arriving at the front with his balloon, Captain Jean Marie-Joseph Coutelle was stopped by a superior officer and nearly shot as a "suspicious character" for his wild notion of ascending above the battlefield in a balloon<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_1" id="_anchor_1" name="_msoanchor_1">[1]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. </div>
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Despite this skepticism, Coutelle made a good account of himself, observing Austrian troop movements through a telescope from his balloon, and relaying the information via signal flag to officers below. Not only did this allow the French to match their enemy's maneuvers, move for move, but it had a significant effect on morale, assuring the French that their foe could hold no surprises for them. The very presence of the French balloon likewise sowed worry among the Austrians, who only had to look up to see that they were under constant observation<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_2" id="_anchor_2" name="_msoanchor_2">[2]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.<br />
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Blow Them Up to Blow Them Up</center>
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The use of balloons as observation platforms was now established, but their use as an offensive weapon would not come for another half a century. Oddly enough, it was Austria—first to suffer the effects of aerial observation—who would pioneer aerial bombardment. Its target was Venice, which had been acquired by Austria as part of an exchange of territories at the end of the War of the First Coalition in 1797, just a year after Captain Coutelle first took to the skies above a battlefield. But by 1848, Venetians were sick and tired of Austrian mismanagement, and they rebelled.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Na5igLCcbU1dCSsMo78_NkBJlX7ZrSnTEb6qcEeYkNRswaxisNqJ6rDZzxjIYv6a4IFnRJDvbEkGYmBU7uaUIAG-abC04iXki7rQFuM_1x9n8Hb5QhJgbN-KYoqdolWcHav-9GjUsKM/s1600/Venice+Balloon+Bombs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Venice balloon attack, 1849" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Na5igLCcbU1dCSsMo78_NkBJlX7ZrSnTEb6qcEeYkNRswaxisNqJ6rDZzxjIYv6a4IFnRJDvbEkGYmBU7uaUIAG-abC04iXki7rQFuM_1x9n8Hb5QhJgbN-KYoqdolWcHav-9GjUsKM/s320/Venice+Balloon+Bombs.jpg" title="Venice balloon attack, 1849" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Venice balloon attack, 1849</td></tr>
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Venice has historically been a tough nut to crack for besieging armies, due to the natural protection afforded by the Venetian Lagoon. The Austrians found it no different, and struggled to get a foothold in the rebellious city. So they bombed it. Of the 60,000 artillery rounds aimed at the city, most were fired from gunboats or <span style="mso-comment-continuation: 4;">batteries on shore</span><span style="mso-comment-continuation: 4;"><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_3" id="_anchor_3" name="_msoanchor_3">[3]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_4" id="_anchor_4" name="_msoanchor_4">[4]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>, but a few explosive shells were dropped by balloon.</div>
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William Henry Stiles, an American diplomat stationed in Vienna at the time, describes an early test on June 24th, 1848. Stiles's secondhand account says that these first balloons were launched trailing a long length of copper wire, which attached to a galvanic battery on the ground. When the balloons were positioned over their target, an electrical signal dropped the bomb and lit its fuse, so that it exploded approximately when it hit the ground. Stiles's report is a little sketchy, seeing how far away from the action he was, but there's no doubt that these early tests were unsuccessful. He reports that all of the bombs fell into the water<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_5" id="_anchor_5" name="_msoanchor_5">[5]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>, while other sources are notably silent about any balloon-borne terror from above on that date.<br />
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Franz von Uchatius, the actual inventor of the bomb-balloons in question, provides an account of a more refined attempt, made on July 15th. This time the balloons were launched by steamship, there was no battery, and the balloons seem to have been untethered. The explosive shells from the previous test seem to have been swapped out for shrapnel shells—gunpowder impregnated with lead bullets. They were detonated by timed fuses, which had to be set precisely to ensure they detonated once the wind currents had taken them over the city<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_6" id="_anchor_6" name="_msoanchor_6">[6]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. Uchatius called this attack a great success, writing gleefully of the "extreme terror and the morale effect produced on the inhabitants." Setting aside his air of <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">mordenfreude,</span> Uchatius' claim is dubious at best, because shrapnel shells cannot achieve their full lethal effect without the velocity gained from being shot from a cannon<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_7" id="_anchor_7" name="_msoanchor_7">[7]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>, and because no one ever bothered to repeat the operation.<br />
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[Bad Pun] and Lowe</center>
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But, while balloons had failed their first use as offensive weapons, they retained their utility in observation, which brings us to the American Civil War and Thaddeus Lowe. Lowe had long been interested in lighter-than-air craft, and on April 19, 1861—five days after the start of hostilities at Fort Sumter—he took off from Cincinnati in an attempt to fly by balloon to New York. The weather gods were not on his side, however, and the wind carried him instead to South Carolina, where the first people he encountered assumed he'd been sent from the devil<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_8" id="_anchor_8" name="_msoanchor_8">[8]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. On a more personal note, I've been to South Carolina and they thought I was sent by the devil, too.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVeiL6ymxR4ignIhgRxLdsczlcgpoW-dgIZlbih6IfMUjWETQeeatjtmz4GWrRpqEDyfuxPNJrTx0FuPXVhNWCl3M3Ez4Xft-ODhuidk338MpjAvzf2i3b4sDEMe5rfQZ-cyUwWRzGcP8/s1600/Brady_-_Balloon_ascension_HD-SN-99-01887_PublicDomain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Lowe's portable hydrogen generators filling the observation balloon Intrepid." border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVeiL6ymxR4ignIhgRxLdsczlcgpoW-dgIZlbih6IfMUjWETQeeatjtmz4GWrRpqEDyfuxPNJrTx0FuPXVhNWCl3M3Ez4Xft-ODhuidk338MpjAvzf2i3b4sDEMe5rfQZ-cyUwWRzGcP8/s400/Brady_-_Balloon_ascension_HD-SN-99-01887_PublicDomain.jpg" title="Lowe's portable hydrogen generators filling the observation balloon Intrepid." width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lowe's portable hydrogen generators filling the observation balloon <i>Intrepid</i>.</td></tr>
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Lowe's exploits reached Lincoln, and he was called upon to form the Union Army Balloon Corps, to provide observations of enemy movement, report on the fall of cannon shot, and assist in mapmaking. Information could be instantly communicated to commanders below, by telegraph wire or signal flags. Lowe developed portable hydrogen generators carried by wagons, allowing balloons to be carried anywhere and inflated on site. He even employed the first aircraft carrier, when he launched a balloon from a converted coal barge<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_9" id="_anchor_9" name="_msoanchor_9">[9]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.</div>
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Aerial observation was valued by the men on the ground, and even by some of their commanding officers. At The Battle of Seven Pines, his aerial observations turned what could have been a disaster into a mere quagmire. Among other observations, he noted the advance of Confederate forces encircling General Samual Heintzelman's detached force, and so saved it from annihilation<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_10" id="_anchor_10" name="_msoanchor_10">[10]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. This was quite fitting, as Heintzelman was an admirer of the balloon's use in warfare. Earlier in the campaign, he'd even gone up himself, observing Confederate defenses at Yorktown from one of Lowe's balloons<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_11" id="_anchor_11" name="_msoanchor_11">[11]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoZmnzuG1gLiXmoJJFdlMmrnJUhJj6a2R79xcAA860Mz_KZFapR3WC1wUI_d-azEXeSY1Znp_D06ikZshK5iWqpgDsBBmj6LxRS_-qFKd0-vU1ckfO6o9ACxfRB8YnrUIJCwe-80Fz_tg/s1600/Balloon_barge_George+Washington+Parke+Custis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Observation balloon launched from coal barge." border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoZmnzuG1gLiXmoJJFdlMmrnJUhJj6a2R79xcAA860Mz_KZFapR3WC1wUI_d-azEXeSY1Znp_D06ikZshK5iWqpgDsBBmj6LxRS_-qFKd0-vU1ckfO6o9ACxfRB8YnrUIJCwe-80Fz_tg/s320/Balloon_barge_George+Washington+Parke+Custis.jpg" title="Observation balloon launched from coal barge." width="237" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Observation balloon launched from coal barge.</td></tr>
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Despite this, the army's administrative staff was no friend to the Balloon Corps. Lowe provided his services as a civilian contractor, which alone bred disrespect from army officers, as well as resentment over the high pay he received for his specialist services. After Seven Pines, he was laid low by a bout of malaria and he returned to service to find that his equipment had been taken by the office of the quartermaster<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_12" id="_anchor_12" name="_msoanchor_12">[12]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. The gutted Balloon Corps was juggled from the Topographic Engineers to the Army Quartermaster office to the Corps of Engineers<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_13" id="_anchor_13" name="_msoanchor_13">[13]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>, where a final insult was inflicted by cutting Lowe's pay by 40%. He resigned shortly after<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_14" id="_anchor_14" name="_msoanchor_14">[14]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>, and his Balloon Corps languished before finally being disbanded.</div>
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But the American Civil War had not finished making its mark on aeronautics. In August of 1863, months after he lost his job due to the termination of the Balloon Corps, German immigrant and balloon pilot John Steiner ran into a military observer visiting from Germany. The observer was staying at a hotel just across the street from where Steiner had his personal balloon tethered, and Steiner offered to take him up in it. Suspended above Minnesota, the two discussed the limitations of a balloon, and the possibility of overcoming them by making a steerable airship. Steiner suggested an aerodynamic design: a cigar-shaped envelope with a rudder at the back.<br />
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And who was this mystery passenger that Steiner discussed his radical idea with? A snot-nosed 25-year-old first lieutenant by the name of Ferdinand Adolf August Heinrich Graf von Zeppelin<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_15" id="_anchor_15" name="_msoanchor_15">[15]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.<br />
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For Want of a Mail</center>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimcMt4nkuxEsbuOfFBSMYaDgZwUi2tU0idNSe1JQOBadOFlSb0jbhYi_kqZ_AjdwTezBfF72IteTD7oZCyZYUqkLm62wzjP3gO7CixRZLP9JD8XLYdjgh1JLoWkkOaEhqNU3ck0jPOh9I/s1600/Siege_of_Paris_1870_Balloon_PublicDomain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Paris Balloon Mail, 1870" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimcMt4nkuxEsbuOfFBSMYaDgZwUi2tU0idNSe1JQOBadOFlSb0jbhYi_kqZ_AjdwTezBfF72IteTD7oZCyZYUqkLm62wzjP3gO7CixRZLP9JD8XLYdjgh1JLoWkkOaEhqNU3ck0jPOh9I/s320/Siege_of_Paris_1870_Balloon_PublicDomain.jpg" title="Paris Balloon Mail, 1870" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Paris Balloon Mail, 1870</td></tr>
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The next great adventure in military ballooning would come from Paris. In 1870, nearly a century after it saw the first manned balloon flights ever recorded, the city found itself encircled by Prussian forces, with no way to get a message out by land.<br />
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Enter, the post office.<br />
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You didn't think that's where this was going, did you? It may seem absurd, but in the midst of a war that threatened to tear France apart, amid famine and siege, it was the post office that stood determined to maintain contact with the outside world, so that it could continue to deliver the mail<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_16" id="_anchor_16" name="_msoanchor_16">[16]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. Scoff all you want, but let's see what you do when you may have already won ten million dollars, and the Prussian army is stopping you from returning the reply card.</div>
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Inside the besieged city, pilots were trained, silk was commandeered, and balloons were constructed by seamstresses in idle railway stations. In all, 66 balloons were launched and 64 landed safely, the other two being blown out to sea. Each balloon could carry hundreds of pounds of letters—military and civilian—and the occasional officer hoping to muster a relief force from the countryside. Homing pigeons carried microfilm letters back into Paris, which were then recopied and delivered, allowing the mail to run in both directions. Over the course of the siege, balloon-mail carried two and a half million letters, 400 pigeons, and 102 passengers<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_17" id="_anchor_17" name="_msoanchor_17">[17]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV0nxxQeHE0ehfHyUfRqScWqzYAB2Bc8Fih5lzVxezhn1MStY3finKg4xmOCiXLasw_OQWAzKllHrHrUqZBcPPNwspLAUvxfMnkLX8cWVeJt6jEHrgkLBwyBiMFqAUqMWLDevtpupmEQo/s1600/T5-_d631_-_Fig._501._%25E2%2580%2594_Atelier_de_confection_des_ballons-poste_%25C3%25A0_la_gare_du_Nord_PublicDomain.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Balloon construction in a Paris railway station." border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV0nxxQeHE0ehfHyUfRqScWqzYAB2Bc8Fih5lzVxezhn1MStY3finKg4xmOCiXLasw_OQWAzKllHrHrUqZBcPPNwspLAUvxfMnkLX8cWVeJt6jEHrgkLBwyBiMFqAUqMWLDevtpupmEQo/s320/T5-_d631_-_Fig._501._%25E2%2580%2594_Atelier_de_confection_des_ballons-poste_%25C3%25A0_la_gare_du_Nord_PublicDomain.png" title="Balloon construction in a Paris railway station." width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Balloon construction in a Paris railway station.</td></tr>
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Paris ultimately succumbed to the siege, but the Prussians were duly impressed by the shocking efficiency of the first air mail service. In 1874, German postmaster Heinrich von Stephan reminisced about it in a speech to the Berlin Science Society, and argued for a global system of mail and personal transportation by air. Among those who were inspired by a transcript of his speech? A worldly, 35-year-old Count by the name of Ferdinand Adolf August Heinrich Graf von Zeppelin<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_18" id="_anchor_18" name="_msoanchor_18">[18]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.<br />
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By Fire, Wire, and Cricket</h2>
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At the turn of the next century, the dirigible airship would join the balloon in the role of military observation, and in World War I the airplane became master of the skies. But even in World War I, the balloon had a vital role in aerial observation. A tethered balloon could communicate by telegraph wire with an efficiency matched only by airships carrying expensive, finicky wireless sets. This made the balloon the preferred platform for reporting on the fall of artillery shells, which by that time were routinely fired from beyond the visual range of their gunners<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_19" id="_anchor_19" name="_msoanchor_19">[19]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.</div>
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World War II saw continued balloon use, both as observation platforms and as weapons. Everyone already knows about Britain's barrage balloons, lofted in the hope that Luftwaffe aircraft would either be damaged by their steel tethers or avoid areas with barrage balloons altogether. And of course there's Japan's incendiary balloons, sent over the Pacific on high altitude wind currents to attack mainland America.</div>
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Lesser known, but perhaps of more military significance than either, was Britain's Operation Outward. Outward involved nearly a hundred thousand hydrogen balloons, each fitted with either an incendiary device or a ground-trailing steel wire intended to short out high voltage power lines. Launched from Britain, they were carried by the wind across the North Sea and into Germany. The plan was not popular among the RAF, who were nervous about collisions between Outward balloons and their own aircraft<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_20" id="_anchor_20" name="_msoanchor_20">[20]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>, nor among the Board of Admiralty, where one official complained that, "attacks of this nature should not be originated from a cricketing country<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_21" id="_anchor_21" name="_msoanchor_21">[21]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>."</div>
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Due to the above-mentioned RAF worries, the balloons were only released during daylight hours, despite fears from Operation Outward planners that daylight balloon attacks could be intercepted more easily. They were right, but even this proved to be a blessing in disguise. The Luftwaffe sent up fighters to intercept the balloons, costing fuel they could ill-afford to waste, and causing wear on their aircraft. So, because the balloons were so cheap to manufacture, at only two pounds sterling each, they could benefit the war effort even if none of them got through German defenses.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWFyl0OaoWURIBgfxR1JSE8MSLHW59GsAQ02wc8lODvLnUlCcJyF_thdLzkq71dGb7iJoQa4-FkHF2H5TOk6II03gq2UvDpGuH_Za1wMFTdiF8n_RHYYrVketHSUEalh43lXyu2O_VaNQ/s1600/Operation-outward.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Operation Outward Launch Party" border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWFyl0OaoWURIBgfxR1JSE8MSLHW59GsAQ02wc8lODvLnUlCcJyF_thdLzkq71dGb7iJoQa4-FkHF2H5TOk6II03gq2UvDpGuH_Za1wMFTdiF8n_RHYYrVketHSUEalh43lXyu2O_VaNQ/s640/Operation-outward.jpg" title="Operation Outward Launch Party" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Operation Outward Launch Party. Photo from the UK National Archives, used under <a href="https://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/doc/open-government-licence/version/1/">OGL</a>.</td></tr>
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Notwithstanding the objections of Lord Pishposh-and-Cricket, Outward was a great success. The balloons shorted power grids, started forest fires, and in one case damaged a circuit breaker at the Böhlen power plant—setting off a chain reaction that ultimately destroyed the entire facility and knocked 250 megawatts of German electrical generating capacity out of commission<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_22" id="_anchor_22" name="_msoanchor_22">[22]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.</div>
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Another bonus came from within the Nazi party, where a high-level party member designed a special clamp for use on high voltage lines, that was meant to minimize damage from wire-trailing balloons by disconnecting the transmission lines. Unfortunately for German power grids, the new clamp also disconnected during ice storms or high winds. But because the inventor was politically well-connected, the new clamps stayed in service long after they were proven counter-productive<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_23" id="_anchor_23" name="_msoanchor_23">[23]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.</div>
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Even when it wasn't wrecking Germany's shit by direct and indirect means, the operation forced the German government to divert manpower to repair crews, which had to remain on standby for repairing damaged infrastructure, and so couldn't be used for war production. Operation Outward, by comparison, used very little manpower at all. In fact, what it mostly used was womanpower. Whaaaaaaat? You mean to say that a lady can launch a balloon? Lord Pishposh would be flabbergasted. But yes, 140 personnel from the Women's Royal Naval Service served as the bulk of the workforce, launching 1000 balloons per day<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_24" id="_anchor_24" name="_msoanchor_24">[24]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.</div>
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And so we see that Hitler fell for both of the two classic blunders. The first, of course, is to never get involved in a land war in Asia, but the second and only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a chick with a balloon when death is on the line.</div>
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For further reading, check out the references listed below. And if your interest is piqued by ladies in the lighter-than-air business, I recommend David D. Levine's excellent <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25615226-arabella-of-mars"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Arabella of Mars</i></a>, which takes an age-of-sail adventure that would do Patrick O'Brian proud, and places it in a classic sci-fi setting akin to Edgar Rice Burroughs's Barsoom series.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_1"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_1">[1]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter than Air, 15</div>
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_2">[2]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter than Air, 16</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_3"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_3">[3]</a></span></span></span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republic_of_San_Marco#Return_to_Austrian_control">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republic_of_San_Marco#Return_to_Austrian_control</a></div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_4"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_4">[4]</a></span></span></span>Stiles, Austria in 1848-49, Volume 1, 332-333</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_5"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_5">[5]</a></span></span></span>Stiles, Austria in 1848-49, Volume 1, 333-334</div>
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_6">[6]</a></span></span></span>http://airminded.org/2009/08/22/the-first-air-bomb-venice-15-july-1849/</div>
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_7">[7]</a></span></span></span>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrapnel_shell#Development_of_shrapnel_shell</div>
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_8">[8]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter Than Air, 16-17</div>
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_9">[9]</a></span></span></span>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Union_Army_Balloon_Corps</div>
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_10">[10]</a></span></span></span>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Union_Army_Balloon_Corps#Peninsula_Campaign</div>
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_11">[11]</a></span></span></span>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Yorktown_(1862)#Aftermath</div>
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_12">[12]</a></span></span></span>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Union_Army_Balloon_Corps#Troubled_Balloon_Corps</div>
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Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-37510480866490811082016-09-29T13:21:00.001-04:002016-09-29T13:21:23.897-04:00Review: Borderline by Mishell Baker<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVfpPRmY-V5vV3Gc6CD2PcYIqlCGWq81JwHczEaIxhPa4-ZukxDPo3_-6C8GDZxVlOCJJX6IQl_pBAzrD4eari_diSLZw4fyM5ar-ZKfi5mSDpy6gzbqL_vBfEWslNskTFrFEsNkp9MwQ/s1600/borderline.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVfpPRmY-V5vV3Gc6CD2PcYIqlCGWq81JwHczEaIxhPa4-ZukxDPo3_-6C8GDZxVlOCJJX6IQl_pBAzrD4eari_diSLZw4fyM5ar-ZKfi5mSDpy6gzbqL_vBfEWslNskTFrFEsNkp9MwQ/s320/borderline.jpg" width="211" /></a>You know, I usually hate books about the film industry. In
my personal hierarchy of literary sins, they rank right below books about
tortured writers. I mention this so you'll understand where I'm coming from,
when I say that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Borderline</i> is one of
the best books I've read this year.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Mishell Baker starts with a backdrop that I've just had it
up to here with, but presents it in a way that's fresh and interesting. Not
just by giving us an L.A. that's swimming with fae-folk, and not just by tying
them into filmmaking in a delightful way, but by letting us see this world from
a rarely-seen point of view.</div>
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The protagonist, Millie, is a borderline, double amputee,
suicide attempt survivor with severe facial scarring, a penchant for impulsive
behavior, and a wry sense of humor. This is such a welcome relief from the
typical L.A. protagonist, whose most pronounced character trait is usually a vague
sense of ennui. But Millie has grit, and spunk, and if she ever ran into that
typical L.A. protagonist, I'm pretty sure she'd kick his ass on general
principle. I believe she could do it, too, with or without her prosthetics.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">I may be wandering from the point, however. This is a fantastic book.
The writing is beautiful, the dialogue is crisp, the plot is twisty and
interesting, and the characters are believable. I love it, and I can't wait for
the next book in the series.</span>Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-33805874662711683052016-09-01T04:00:00.000-04:002016-09-01T12:42:30.145-04:00History of Flight: Unpowered FlightIf you had to guess where would you say the first lighter-than-air craft was invented?<br />
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If you said China, you're either-well versed in history or you know how to game a short-answer test. Because, let's be honest here, the Chinese have invented 90% of everything. If you're ever on Jeopardy and the hint starts with, "The first place to invent…" Don't even read the rest of the question. Just buzz in and say, "What is China?"<br />
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First in Flight</center>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFrdPqX3l5w2R7P78_85fW9_JjFN3z6A66WGVUo3HGVhRoGHOmAgKeGGi4dofiyNr8Y32swh7zTB_slW9gSrAcVN9AWYczNF5UxmnqbVoPf7TbY-_2YwOLWsXKMCFtgODVf2uNa44-mOI/s1600/Kongming+Lanterns.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Kongming Sky Lanterns" border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFrdPqX3l5w2R7P78_85fW9_JjFN3z6A66WGVUo3HGVhRoGHOmAgKeGGi4dofiyNr8Y32swh7zTB_slW9gSrAcVN9AWYczNF5UxmnqbVoPf7TbY-_2YwOLWsXKMCFtgODVf2uNa44-mOI/s200/Kongming+Lanterns.jpg" title="Kongming Sky Lanterns" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">CC Takeaway<a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AYi_peng_sky_lantern_festival_San_Sai_Thailand.jpg"> via Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
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First documented in the 3rd century CE, the sky lantern is a hot-air balloon with an envelope made of paper and a fire slung underneath. Its invention is usually credited to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhuge_Liang">Zhuge Liang</a>, a military strategist of the Three Kingdoms period, and to this day is also called by his courtesy name, Kongming. Originally used as a psychological weapon to spook the hell out of enemy troops,<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_1" id="_anchor_1" name="_msoanchor_1">[1]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span> Kongming lanterns were later used for military signaling, and by civilians during Mid-Autumn and Spring Festivals,<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_2" id="_anchor_2" name="_msoanchor_2">[2]</a></span></span> to create a festive river of light rising thousands of feet into the air.<br />
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Europe would not replicate this technology until 1709, when <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartolomeu_de_Gusm%C3%A3o">Bartolomeu de Gusmão</a> flew a paper balloon of the same basic design as the Kongming lantern to a height of 12 feet<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_3" id="_anchor_3" name="_msoanchor_3">[3]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. De Gusmão is thus regarded, by several sources I discovered while researching this article, as the man who proved that hot air can buoy up a lighter-than-air craft. Yeah, nice try. You've proven that hot air can buoy up more than just balloons.</div>
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And while we're on the subject, do you know where the first heavier-than-air craft was invented? Yeah, that was China, too. That aircraft is the kite, invented in China in the sixth century CE, if not earlier<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_4" id="_anchor_4" name="_msoanchor_4">[4]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. Like the sky lantern, the kite was not just a plaything, but an instrument of war. They could be used by city garrisons to send signals to friendly forces during sieges, or by military units who were cut off and unable to communicate their predicament by any other means<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_5" id="_anchor_5" name="_msoanchor_5">[5]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. They could be flown over enemy walls, and the length of the string used to calculate the distance that sappers should dig to, in order to undermine the defenses<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_6" id="_anchor_6" name="_msoanchor_6">[6]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. They were even used in psyops operations. Propaganda messages were written directly onto the paper of the kites, which were flown up and over enemy lines, then dropped by cutting the strings<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_7" id="_anchor_7" name="_msoanchor_7">[7]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. In civilian use, kites were employed in an aerial form of long-line fishing, in which a line and hook could be suspended from the kite, well away from the shadow of the boat<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_8" id="_anchor_8" name="_msoanchor_8">[8]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. </div>
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But surely the first human being to fly was Orville Wright? Or, if not him, then Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier, the first man to ascend in a tethered hot air balloon in 1783?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBoYiZ26gxNKK0G4xk_Dy6Z1heP_9OklxEvopOchwbsQlp3RcrHFljW-GOLFmCd-m-oguy7YSkf7RHfI1fL9AFAlU_R9dJJn-dXEFxJx1BkABijSQTSYV-dY-rNeaGF2x823dAw4GMW_g/s1600/Go+Fly+a+Kite+-+Yuan+Huangtou.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Go Fly a Kite - Yuan Huangtou Edition" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBoYiZ26gxNKK0G4xk_Dy6Z1heP_9OklxEvopOchwbsQlp3RcrHFljW-GOLFmCd-m-oguy7YSkf7RHfI1fL9AFAlU_R9dJJn-dXEFxJx1BkABijSQTSYV-dY-rNeaGF2x823dAw4GMW_g/s320/Go+Fly+a+Kite+-+Yuan+Huangtou.jpg" title="Go Fly a Kite - Yuan Huangtou Edition" width="287" /></a>So, do you remember what I said earlier about buzzing in quickly if you're ever on Jeopardy? Yeah. The first documented human being to achieve flight was <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuan_Huangtou">Yuan Huangtou</a>, the son of a deposed Chinese emperor, in the 6th century CE. It wasn't as auspicious an event as you might be imagining, however. Guinness wasn't there, for one thing, and Yuan Huangtou was a prisoner of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Wenxuan_of_Northern_Qi" title="Emperor Wenxuan of Northern Qi">Gao Yang</a>, a man who combined the traits of a scientific tinkerer with those of a true psychopath. Yuan Huangtou and other prisoners were tied to kites and thrown off the Tower of the Golden Phoenix in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ye_(ancient_China)">Ye</a>. Alone among these unwilling pioneers of aeronautics, his kite actually flew, traveling a distance of two and a half kilometers before landing safely<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_9" id="_anchor_9" name="_msoanchor_9">[9]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. Compare this to Orville Wright's famous flight, which covered a paltry 37 meters, though of course Orville's flight had the distinction of being both powered and voluntary.</div>
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There are even stories of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lu_Ban">Lu Ban</a> inventing a kite capable of lifting a man into the air as early as the 5th century BCE, for surveillance or as a platform for archery<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_10" id="_anchor_10" name="_msoanchor_10">[10]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. Historians usually regard these stories as exaggerations of Lu Ban's achievements, if not outright apocrypha, but the idea isn't as absurd as it may seem. 19th century inventors, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samuel_Franklin_Cody">Samuel Franklin Cody</a> most famous among them, revisited the concept by building war kites that could lift not just one but several observers up to altitudes of thousands of feet, for as long as the wind remained steady. Many of these kites were made from nothing more than hemp, silk, cotton, and bamboo—all materials that were available in China in the 5th century. Which is to say, it's unlikely but not inconceivable that Lu Ban beat Cody to the punch by two and a half millennia.<br />
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Europe <strike>Discovers</strike> Finally Figures Out Flight<br />
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But whoever may have first invented the manned kite, credit for the first manned balloon goes to the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montgolfier_brothers">Montgolfier brothers</a>, Joseph and Etienne, of France. The Montgolfiers were paper manufacturers, because it just keep coming back to paper, doesn't it? Say, who was it that invented paper, again? I don't know, probably some white dude, right?</div>
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ANYWAY. The Montgolfiers got their start in the business of flight by experimenting with paper balloons and various buoyant substances. They first tried steam, but found that steam and a paper balloon don't go together super well. Then, learning of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Cavendish#Chemistry_research">Henry Cavendish</a>'s experiments with hydrogen—then called "inflammable air"—they tried to fill their paper balloons with that. It didn't work, the hydrogen leaking out too quickly to provide buoyancy, but at least they didn't blow themselves up<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_11" id="_anchor_11" name="_msoanchor_11">[11]</a></span></span>, so let's file that under "blessing in disguise."<br />
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Their breakthrough came in 1782, when Joseph noticed flecks of ash rising up a chimney. Believing that the smoke from the fire was permeated with a heretofore unknown type of buoyant gas, he named it Montgolfier Gas<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_12" id="_anchor_12" name="_msoanchor_12">[12]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. Personally, I would have gone with "De Gusmão, No Wait I Meant Zhuge Liang or, Oh I Don't Know, Maybe About Three Hundred Million Chinese People With Sky Lanterns Gas," but I guess that wasn't catchy enough. By any other name, however, the brothers had a solid foundation on which to build ever-larger hot air balloons. In tests conducted in 1782 and 1783, they lofted unmanned paper balloons of up to 20,000 cubic feet, reaching estimated heights of over a mile.<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_13" id="_anchor_13" name="_msoanchor_13">[13]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span></div>
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In a classic case of snobbery being the mother of invention, the French Academy was pissed that a couple of paper mongers had beaten them to a lighter-than-air balloon, and so commissioned Jacques Charles to duplicate the Montgolfier brothers' creation. Charles was confident of success, though it turned out he didn't have a clue how the brothers' balloon operated. He planned to buoy his own balloon with Cavendish's inflammable air, and lucky for him, paper was not a politically acceptable envelope material. Instead, he outsourced the job to brothers Marie-Noel and Anne-Jean Robert, who had developed a means of coating silk with rubber to make a tough material that retained hydrogen gas for long enough to loft a balloon.</div>
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It worked, and the test balloon ascended three thousand feet above Paris before drifting away and coming to a landing in the village of Gonesse. There, believing it had come from the devil, the villagers attacked th<span id="goog_528723904"></span><span id="goog_528723905"></span>e balloon with pitchforks, flails, and at least one firearm, before tying it to a horse and dragging it across the countryside<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_14" id="_anchor_14" name="_msoanchor_14">[14]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXlgrYAFmaPhwhjGIjJElj_MoVGhDjIm7rJQA_XgikFH1ScwCOBfhBXF4XP_NUJJfrFE0MVF1tWVWX7KMC1uLuDRPUjhTyabUbi472ZxvppJqZz4ZUi9qePW9_BdM43xeI-UNglkf1Ss4/s1600/Montgolfier+Balloon+Being+Assaulted+by+Peasants+in+Gonesse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Montgolfier Balloon Being Assaulted by Peasants in Gonesse" border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXlgrYAFmaPhwhjGIjJElj_MoVGhDjIm7rJQA_XgikFH1ScwCOBfhBXF4XP_NUJJfrFE0MVF1tWVWX7KMC1uLuDRPUjhTyabUbi472ZxvppJqZz4ZUi9qePW9_BdM43xeI-UNglkf1Ss4/s400/Montgolfier+Balloon+Being+Assaulted+by+Peasants+in+Gonesse.jpg" title="Montgolfier Balloon Being Assaulted by Peasants in Gonesse" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From <i>Astra Castra: Experiments and Adventures in the Atmosphere</i></td></tr>
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So, do I even need to point out that there are no recorded cases of Chinese villagers committing aggravated assault against a Kongming lantern? No? Okay then, let's move on.</div>
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The aerial competition between the Montgolfiers and Jacques Charles was now on. The Montgolfiers came back strong, lofting living passengers aboard a flying machine for the first time in European history in September of 1783. Those passengers were a sheep, a duck, and a rooster. In the presence of King Louis, they were sent up in a wicker basket slung under a balloon decorated with the royal arms. The animals came down intact from an estimated height about 1,700 feet, confirming that life could survive at the lofty altitude of… well, a smallish hill. Seriously though, some scientists doubted that<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_15" id="_anchor_15" name="_msoanchor_15">[15]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.<br />
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First Manned Flight (Subcategory: Voluntary)</center>
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With those naysayers out of the way, the race was on to take a person into the air. Again, the Montgolfiers were first in Europe. That is, they were the first to build a balloon that could do it. They weren't the first to go up in it—are you crazy? They sent some snot-nosed kid up ahead of them, and so Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier made the first tethered flight, less than a month after the concept was proven on a sheep<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_16" id="_anchor_16" name="_msoanchor_16">[16]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzqp7qFhAl6BFJArIiS6vcDEMXBCXsCcx5eZMmcKgumD6wcGpdlUTZuaY757irW_s-Suj3bUhNpyHqlyxpYkMOcOb9PTg8uJCcf_GMP4L3Ogeuwekrgs3nViIXvKjwBrDsMDnjdQ7WX9M/s1600/Montgolfier+Hot+Air+Balloon+Tethered+Flight.4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Montgolfier Hot Air Balloon Tethered Flight" border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzqp7qFhAl6BFJArIiS6vcDEMXBCXsCcx5eZMmcKgumD6wcGpdlUTZuaY757irW_s-Suj3bUhNpyHqlyxpYkMOcOb9PTg8uJCcf_GMP4L3Ogeuwekrgs3nViIXvKjwBrDsMDnjdQ7WX9M/s320/Montgolfier+Hot+Air+Balloon+Tethered+Flight.4.jpg" title="Montgolfier Hot Air Balloon Tethered Flight" width="320" /></a></div>
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Another month saw another breakthrough from the Montgolfiers: sending not just one but two poor bastards up in a balloon, and cutting the cord. It was Rozier again, joined this time by Marquis François-Laurent d'Arlandes. The Marquis was a last minute substitution, by order of the king. Louis had actually wanted condemned criminals to be the first to make an untethered flight, but Rozier wasn't hearing it. He talked to the Marquis, who talked Louis out of robbing Rozier of his glory. Louis agreed, with one condition: that the Marquis accompany him. Because even kings have a sense of humor.</div>
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The aeronauts rode on a wicker balcony surrounding a brazier on the underside of the balloon. They carried a supply of straw, which they were supposed to steadily feed onto the fire, though the Marquis was distracted by the sights passing below and had to be continually reminded of his task. He was also somewhat distracted when the balloon caught fire. No bigs, though. He spotted it in time and put it out with a wet sponge. If he hadn't been quite so on the ball, they would have come down in a flaming wreck onto the rooftops of Paris.<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_17" id="_anchor_17" name="_msoanchor_17">[17]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span> As it was, they crossed the Seine and came down safely on the opposite side of the city.</div>
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Late but not to be outdone, the Robert brothers replicated the feat ten days later, sending Nicolas-Louis Robert—the elder brother—and Jacques Charles up in a hydrogen balloon. With no need for a brazier, their balloon featured a boat-shaped gondola, beating the Montgolfiers on style by a wide margin. They also beat them on duration, staying up two hours where the first untethered flight of the Montgolfier balloon—depending as it did on a continuous supply of fuel to stay aloft—only lasted half an hour. </div>
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Ebullient at the achievement, Charles stayed aboard after they'd landed. Once the elder Robert disemballooned, he signaled the ground crew to let go and went back into the air. Which was rather poor judgement on his part, since he hadn't considered the reduction in ballast from his departing co-pilot. He shot up to 10,000 feet so quickly that he saw the sunset twice in one day: once from the ground and again from aloft, having risen to an altitude where it hadn't yet gone down. As cool as this may sound, I wouldn't try it at home. Charles certainly didn't recommend it. He described an excruciating pain in one ear, and vented hydrogen to bring himself back down<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_18" id="_anchor_18" name="_msoanchor_18">[18]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. After that little misadventure, he never flew again<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_19" id="_anchor_19" name="_msoanchor_19">[19]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>.<br />
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The Sky Conquered</center>
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At the beginning of 1782, the lighter-than-air balloon was a festive tradition and niche tool of military signalling, so unknown in Europe that Joseph Montgolfier thought he'd discovered hot air and tried to name it after himself. By the end of 1782, a human being had gone to 10,000 feet and returned safely to Earth.<br />
<br />
The years to come would see even greater feats. In 1784, the balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard flew a distance of 70 miles. In 1785, he crossed the English Channel<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msocom_20" id="_anchor_20" name="_msoanchor_20">[20]</a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span>. The age of the aeronaut had arrived, opening up a literal new dimension in human endeavors. The question, "Will Man ever fly?" had been resoundingly answered.</div>
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The only question that remained was, "So, uh, how do we use this to kill each other?"</div>
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We'll see how it was answered in the next article.</div>
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For further reading, check out the references listed below. I also recommend Ken Liu's phenomenal <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18952341-the-grace-of-kings"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Grace of Kings</i></a>, which incorporates many of the above inventions into an epic fantasy setting.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_1"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_1">[1]</a></span></span></span>Yinke Deng, Ancient Chinese Inventions, 131-132</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_2"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_2">[2]</a></span></span></span>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_lantern</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_3"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_3">[3]</a></span></span></span>Anderson, Flight and Motion, 120</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_4"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_4">[4]</a></span></span></span>Needhan, Volume 4, Part 2, 577.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_5"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_5">[5]</a></span></span></span>Needhan, Volume 4, Part 2, 577.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_6"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_6">[6]</a></span></span></span>Needhan, Volume 4, Part 2, 577</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_7"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_7">[7]</a></span></span></span>Needhan, Volume 4, Part 2, 577.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_8"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_8">[8]</a></span></span></span>Needhan, Volume 4, Part 2, 576.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_9"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_9">[9]</a></span></span></span>Needhan, Volume 4, Part 2, 588-589</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_10"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_10">[10]</a></span></span></span>Needhan, Volume 4, Part 2, 573.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_11"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_11">[11]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter than Air, 1-2</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_12"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_12">[12]</a></span></span></span>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montgolfier_brothers#Early_experiments</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_13"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_13">[13]</a></span></span></span>Collier, The Airship, 16</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_14"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_14">[14]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter than Air, 3</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_15"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_15">[15]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter than Air, 4.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_16"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_16">[16]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter than Air, 4.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_17"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_17">[17]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter than Air, 6-7.</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_18"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_18">[18]</a></span></span></span>Collier, The Airship, 20</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_19"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_19">[19]</a></span></span></span>Payne, Lighter Than Air, 10</div>
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<span style="mso-comment-author: "Robyn B";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_20"></a></span> <br />
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<span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> <a class="msocomoff" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=234943787099719815#_msoanchor_20">[20]</a></span></span></span>Collier, The Airship, 20</div>
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</style> <![endif]-->Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-73801212400090884272016-08-31T15:58:00.003-04:002016-08-31T15:59:04.281-04:00HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">IT'S HERE!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">THE COVER IS HERE!</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMl8QnvHgN9yvBXzFr11KjjmZC4d8uLUJXQldK_BAxdUL6ImznbaIhrz3tz2B8uWdaiPzW1OqtARPzV4wPt9ulHSwd0IHS3jjc4za0JCbNaQnPGUXtIQXr_7vFPGWtsUedrLIjzTfrQRQ/s1600/GunaAbove-cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMl8QnvHgN9yvBXzFr11KjjmZC4d8uLUJXQldK_BAxdUL6ImznbaIhrz3tz2B8uWdaiPzW1OqtARPzV4wPt9ulHSwd0IHS3jjc4za0JCbNaQnPGUXtIQXr_7vFPGWtsUedrLIjzTfrQRQ/s640/GunaAbove-cover.jpg" width="422" /></a></div>
<br />
Check out the cover reveal at Tor.com, right <a href="http://www.tor.com/2016/08/31/cover-reveals-robyn-bennis-the-guns-above/">here</a>!Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-1947614568784286682016-08-03T14:37:00.004-04:002016-08-03T14:39:32.106-04:00Review: Dreamrush by Garrett Calcaterra<i>Dreamrush</i> is a collection of short stories, so I'll review them each individually.<br />
<br />
<h4>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwsGvXU7gFcmPN3WWJfhA7lWOE3fbDYVDrOttvQg9WSiWe-cY9CVOp1lC3418ccHLut6u2kglqR45XBh_PHGOxc7R0zEDRCMuA4EGumOCHFthV-U3cQdn-w8hBixr7coL6hRyghtBH9V4/s1600/30847256.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwsGvXU7gFcmPN3WWJfhA7lWOE3fbDYVDrOttvQg9WSiWe-cY9CVOp1lC3418ccHLut6u2kglqR45XBh_PHGOxc7R0zEDRCMuA4EGumOCHFthV-U3cQdn-w8hBixr7coL6hRyghtBH9V4/s320/30847256.jpg" width="217" /></a>
The Knight's Dog</h4>
The description says this is often compared to Game of Thrones, and it's easy to see why. As soon as you're juxtaposing a knight bleeding out with a mastiff's pendulous scrotum, you know your fantasy has gone beyond pretty elves and manichean battles between good and evil. But don't think that, just because you've read G.R.R. Martin, this story won't hold any twists and surprises for you. The Knights Dog is a solid, grounded, gritty piece of short fiction, and a great opener for this collection.<br />
<br />
<h4>
Page Fault</h4>
My favorite of the collection. "Page Fault" is the dual narrative of a far-flung apocalyptic future where a tiny nucleus of survivors ekes out a pitiful existence, defending banks of ancient computers which store the digitized personalities of the bulk of humanity, allowing them to live on in simulated realities. But the glorious digital immortality promised to the digitized survivors comes with unsurprising caveats and conditions. For one, the primary simulated world was designed to run on the same rules as ours, including a stratified society of haves and have-nots. Worse, it seems that some of the haves have figured out how to rewrite the rules for their own benefit. Worse still, in the outside world, the barbarians are at the gate, and the lives of millions are on the line. If this sounds like I'm gushing, it's because I am. This is such an inventive, well-written, and fun story. Crossing genres in new and interesting ways, it combines Mad Max with Snow Crash, then throws in a dash of Al Capone and World of Warcraft. I love it!<br />
<br />
<h4>
Deus ex Aurum</h4>
Grounded in the actual history of the California gold rush, "Deus ex Aurum" tells an alt-history story of James Marshall. In reality, Marshall was among the party who first discovered gold, but was bum-rushed by prospectors and never reaped the rewards of his discovery. In this story, we see what might have happened if Marshall sought compensation by way of the supernatural. I liked this story overall, but I think it failed in one important aspect: the attempt to explore the forgotten cultures of the gold rush. While the portrayals of Chinese-American and Nisenan characters were mostly informed and respectful, I was disappointed right off the bat by a wizened-magical-Chinese-man stereotype. Things got a lot better from there, but the story is still fundamentally focused on a white guy. There's a parallel narrative from the perspective of Marshall's Nisenan friend, Meesham, but even his narrative is still centered on Marshall. This is still a good story, but it would have been a great story if it ditched the stereotype character, and if it had more and stronger parallel narratives that really belonged to Nisenan, Chinese-American, and Mexican-American characters.<br />
<br />
<h4>
Gold Comes Out</h4>
This is a fun one! Set in the same alternate, gaslamp reality as "Deus Ex Aurum", "Gold Comes Out" follows pirate captain Jardine, who's still plying the waters and seeking his fortunes long after the age of piracy has come to an end. Without spoiling things too much, by the mid-19th century, being a pirate is neither safe nor easy. When Jardine enters the world of the gold rush, he begins plotting the greatest individual act of piracy ever imagined. You just can't go wrong with an enjoyable adventure/heist story set against an interesting, well-imagined backdrop.<br />
<br />
<h4>
Wulfram</h4>
I haven't read the Dreamwielder books, which this is a prequel to, but I plan to now. A tale of loyalty and betrayal, "Wulfram" follows the eponymous character as he seeks out the last heir of a kingdom in upheaval. Wulfram is a fascinating character. He was magically twisted into a living weapon during some previous war, and is now striving to rediscover the nurturing side he lost, as he tries to protect this child king. I believe he's one of the villains of the Dreamwielder series, but he appears here as a tortured soul, caught between worlds. This is a great short, and I can't wait to read the books.<br />
<br />
<h4>
Overall</h4>
Wonderful short fiction. Grab this collection if you like gaslamp fantasy, genre bending, gritty fantasy, or if you just want some bite-sized stories that you can read start-to-finish before bed. As of this writing, the collection is priced at $8 for a paperback or $4 digital, which for 124 pages of solid fiction is quite reasonable. Highly recommended!Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-21793636641183222382016-08-03T14:29:00.001-04:002016-08-03T14:29:10.555-04:00Bloggity and Authory UpdatesHello, loyal readers! I just wanted to give you a quick update on my impending fame and fortune (fame and fortune not available in all states.)<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><i>The Guns Above</i> is still looking at a summer 2017 release. I am excited and terrified.</li>
<li>I'll have a new website going live in a couple of months, but this blog will be staying right where it is. You'll start noticing some changes to the appearance, to better match the theme of the website, but you won't have to change your bookmarks.</li>
<li>Instead of my previous schedule of small weekly articles, and my more recent habit of big long stretches of nothing, I'll be doing one highly researched, long-form article per month. Those will post on the first of the month, starting next month. For September's article, I'm thinking of doing something on the early history of the airship.</li>
<li>I'll also try to post something lighter once a week, on the old Wednesday schedule, but consider that a very soft promise (like my parents' wedding vows.) If my life decomplexificates itself anytime soon, we'll go to a firmer or more frequent schedule.</li>
<li>On a more personal note, I'm going to try my hand at writing a short story for the first time in seven years. Since it's been so long, I'm easing back into it with one of my most milquetoast and unimaginative ideas, about a Texas cowboy having adventures with an alien sidekick that communicates only through body odor. So, definitely keep an eye out for that one. It has Nebula Award written all over it.</li>
</ul>
And now, a review! Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-62826475272887263502016-07-27T22:34:00.002-04:002016-07-27T22:34:43.408-04:00Review: Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://www.yoonhalee.com/?p=742" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0W0CR6ciCVsPJVCiF-t6jme0gPUBU71dUsImmCOvKfs8m58SElA4N3kJp-Cyr-3AS_fslf3vrvZq95tAe_hUWoAqGbAB0ZU6a6IT7iZkWBfGs3o-Eczv4rXs68WllkXP44QttPKKfi2s/s320/26118426.jpg" width="208" /></a><a href="http://www.yoonhalee.com/?p=742"><i>Ninefox Gambit</i></a> is amazing. I love the characters, in all their scheming glory. I love the immersive world building, the no-hand-holding style of dropping the reader into a truly alien setting where the very rules of reality are altered by changes to the calendar. I love the smooth prose, the little moments that give characters life, the awkward exchanges, the unusual hobbies, the triumphs and the sudden plunge into cold water of reversed fortunes. I love the density of themes: shared belief, loyalty, games, hobbies, mathematics. Yes, I loved the math. And I say this as someone who has always hated math.<br />
<br />
Most of all, I love that nothing is a mere gimmick. The techno-magic system is original, fleshed out, and interesting. You rarely see that. There's a lot of pulp out there that manages one of the three, and good stuff that manages two, but nailing all three is rare. And this approach to deep, fresh ideas flows through every aspect of the book. Every little detail is weird and wonderful, and the implications of every detail are thoroughly explored. Nothing is window dressing here. Nothing is a gimmick.<br />
<br />
This is essential reading for anyone who likes military sf. And I mean essential. It's an entirely new take on the genre, and you simply can't say you understand that genre if you haven't read it. In fact, if you haven't read it, I don't even want to be around you. Apart from how one-sided our conversation will be, as I gush on and on about this book while you stand mute, I'm a little worried that your unenlightened presence might destabilize the space around you. So read it.<br />
<br />
Yours in Calendrical Heresy,<br />
RobynRobynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-8717816234235173432016-04-06T13:27:00.003-04:002016-04-24T23:16:18.425-04:00Book & Blog News<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimPYGEnbRKwqEdZI2Ul5dMvgFQdDgRyIX-EtEIwMorrwVEtHKGcceKjG2xKQlw-r6S-nzMO41P6sdH-rH2arJtWI1EEkmFBwjv6sAfSn47AsthNLR6YpexIfXoTExrxLI8LVBI76kiGm8/s1600/2016-03-31_11-40-07.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Whoa. Wrong book." border="0" height="384" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimPYGEnbRKwqEdZI2Ul5dMvgFQdDgRyIX-EtEIwMorrwVEtHKGcceKjG2xKQlw-r6S-nzMO41P6sdH-rH2arJtWI1EEkmFBwjv6sAfSn47AsthNLR6YpexIfXoTExrxLI8LVBI76kiGm8/s640/2016-03-31_11-40-07.jpg" title="" width="640" /></a></div>
<span id="goog_1813228702"></span><span id="goog_1813228703"></span><br />
<span id="goog_1813228702">As good-hearted people who read the comments section may already know, I finally managed to trick someone into publishing one of my novels. All that time spent training with Tibetan masters in the shadow arts that cloud men's minds has really paid off.</span> <span id="goog_1813228702">And people say FSU is just a party school.</span><br />
<br />
The novel is titled <i>The Guns Above</i>, and it'll be available from Tor Books sometime next year. And yes, it's <a href="http://us.macmillan.com/publishers/tor-forge">that </a>Tor Books. I know, right?<br />
<br />
I'll give you more details and excerpts and suchlike in the months to come. For now, let's call it an action-adventure gunpowder fantasy, and tease you with this pitch:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
For years, Auxiliary Lieutenant Josette Dupre has served loyally in His
Majesty's Royal Aerial Signal Corps, whose fragile airships are the
army's eyes on the battlefield. When, by royal decree, she becomes the
first woman to command an airship, Josette finds herself caught in a
tempest of politics and prejudice. Her crew is skeptical of her
abilities, her commander has taken a personal interest in destroying her
career, her new airship is an untested deathtrap, and the army has sent
an observer to catalog her every moment of weakness and indecision. At
this point, she only hopes she can survive long enough to be killed by the
enemy.</blockquote>
<br />
So it's kind of like Aubrey-Maturin on an airship, which is a book I'd buy in a heartbeat. So, insofar as I'm highly representative of the average American... Shit. Well, Tor has a great marketing department, anyway.<br />
<br />
They also have the world's best editor, Diana Pho. This is not me sucking up, by the way. It's an objective fact. I did the math. She also moonlights as the founder of <a href="http://beyondvictoriana.com/">Beyond Victoriana</a>, an award-winning multicultural steampunk blog that challenges the community to recognize a world which extends beyond the suburbs of London.<br />
<br />
And of course I have to thank <a href="http://www.janklowandnesbit.com/people/paul-lucas">Paul Lucas</a> of Janklow and Nesbit, who would be the world's best agent, except that Justin Beiber's agent must surely have signed a deal with Lucifer or something. Paul's definitely the world's best literary agent, though, and the most patient agent of any sort. Because really, he would have to be, wouldn't he?<br />
<br />
That's the book side of things.<span id="goog_1813228702"> But you ask, hat and/or heart in hand, (and in the latter case, ew,) what does this mean for the blog?</span><br />
<br />
<span id="goog_1813228702">The blog will still exist, but it may not stay here. </span><span id="goog_1813228702">My tentative plan is to integrate it into a dedicated website geared towards publicity sometime in the next few months. The current blog just isn't well tuned for tricking you into buying my books. I mean, I'm looking over it now, and I can't even tell what my own name is. (Seriously, though, what the hell is my name? If you know, please send me an e-mail at... umm... Does anyone know my e-mail address?)</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span id="goog_1813228702">In the meantime, I'll be trimming the fat around here.</span><span id="goog_1813228702"> That means, starting within the next few weeks, articles will begin to disappear due to issues of popularity, incongruous theme, relevance, or</span> too-much-cursing-even-for-me-which-is-really-saying-something-let-me-tell-you.
So, if your taste is bad enough to want to read a particular article of mine,
but not quite so bad that you already have, you might want to go ahead and get
that done, because it may disappear at any time.</div>
<br />
Sometime in the summer to fall timeframe, I'll start doing regular articles again. They probably won't be weekly, as they were before, because a combination of book stuff, day jobs, and criminal activity doesn't leave me as much spare time as I once had. So we'll aim for monthly at first, with smaller updates in between, and see how that goes.<br />
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And finally, let me apologize for the paucity of substantial articles over the past few... [checks archives] holy shit, it's been, like, over a year. Why the hell is anyone still reading this? That's just an irrational level of dedication, right there. In other words: <i>the best level of dedication</i>. So leave a note in the comments, and on the day I finally rule this world, you will be rewarded with land and power.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-45910600371421434922015-06-26T12:48:00.003-04:002015-06-26T12:48:45.695-04:00Love Wins<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EXPcBI4CJc8/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/EXPcBI4CJc8?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-12288832495950634702014-12-20T19:13:00.000-05:002014-12-20T19:13:41.531-05:00ThemesJust went to see <i>Birdman </i>with my relatives. It's based on Raymond Carver's <i style="background-image: none; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #252525; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What We Talk About When We Talk About Love, </i><span style="background-image: none; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #252525; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">a short story about trying to make your relatives understand the themes of the movie <i>Birdman</i> on the drive home from the theater.</span>Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-60266485242038140942014-11-26T00:00:00.000-05:002016-04-29T19:39:44.788-04:00Ill-Advised Nuclear Testing, Part 3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So now we’ve nuked the surface, we’ve nuked the ocean depths, and we’ve even nuked outer space. And Alexander wept, for there were no more worlds to nuke. What’s a superpower to do?<br />
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Well, just make bigger nukes, obviously.<br />
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Enter, the H-bomb. The hydrogen or thermonuclear bomb is a much fancier lad than the a-bomb that preceded it. The A-bomb is purely a fission device, in which heavy elements are split, releasing colossal amounts of energy. But you can also fuse lighter elements to release energy. The problem is, it’s hard to compress and heat lighter elements enough to ignite fusion. Re-enter the A-bomb, which can provide more than enough heat and compression to ignite a fusion reaction. And then re-enter the A-bomb again, because we’re going to surround the fusion stage of the weapon with a massive amount of unenriched uranium, called the tamper. Unenriched uranium is stable under normal conditions, which is why we can cram so much of it into our thermonuclear device in the first place. But when exposed to the fusion reaction, unenriched uranium completely loses its shit. It kicks off a second round of fission, which in most thermonuclear devices provides the majority of the megaton-range yield.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNR3hSe54qmxuImUinfLxpfELICV0PCO45iKcwOlKVY_Xbw6m92T83gamjMjVg1wF19QW0aQ2GecIY5xcuTrpyA-al9Dbj1VgafmjpHqt43cTPE5HUMmhNCzbhDSZG1jELdK20h8CzBeA/s1600/332px-Teller-Ulam_device_3D.svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNR3hSe54qmxuImUinfLxpfELICV0PCO45iKcwOlKVY_Xbw6m92T83gamjMjVg1wF19QW0aQ2GecIY5xcuTrpyA-al9Dbj1VgafmjpHqt43cTPE5HUMmhNCzbhDSZG1jELdK20h8CzBeA/s1600/332px-Teller-Ulam_device_3D.svg.png" width="177" /></a></div>
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It’s also much dirtier. While only increasing the yield by three- or four-fold, it multiplies the radioactive byproducts of the bomb by a thousand times. Behind closed doors, the military fucking loved that part, because a single bomb could effectively bring strategic targets to ruin even if strategic assets within those targets survived the initial blast and fireball. Oh and, by strategic targets, I mean cities, factories, and ports. And by strategic assets, I mean the people who live and work in them.<br />
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In public, the tone was very different. The official line in the U.S. was that radiation release did not scale with the increasing yield of nuclear weapons. Which, I guess, is technically true. It didn’t scale, because in the H-bomb, radiation growth exceeded yield by several orders of magnitude.<br />
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Which brings us back to Bikini Atoll, where we started this wild and wonderful journey. It was early 1954, about a year and a half after the first ever detonation of a thermonuclear device in the Ivy Mike test. The problem with the Ivy Mike H-bomb, however, was that it was literally the size of a building and thus completely impractical for military use. The Castle Bravo test sought to rectify that by detonating a thermonuclear bomb weighing about ten tons. That’s still pretty heavy, but it’s getting into the deliverable range.<br />
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The Castle Bravo bomb was expected to yield a blast in the 4 to 8 megaton range, but the designers made a critical error. They assumed that most of the mixture of fusion fuel in the second stage would prove functionally inert, unable to contribute to the nuclear reaction within the millisecond timeframe of the detonation sequence. This was due to the fact that they had never actually tested the fuel's response to high-energy particles, like those released by the first stage. If someone had stopped and said, “You know, maybe instead of assuming the mix will work a particular way, we should put it in a nuclear accelerator and actually test that shit,” then things might have gone differently.<br />
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But who has time for that? We’ve got stuff to nuke. Snap to it!<br />
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That very same “fuck it, let’s just light it off and see what happens” attitude was also operative on the day of the test, when it was decided they would go ahead with the detonation despite prevailing winds that were veering from north to east, where they could carry fallout over populated islands. The deciding factor, apparently, was that they’d done a lot of work setting up observation instruments around the blast site, and would have to do it all over again if the test was delayed.<br />
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Who needs that kind of hassle? Just blow the damn nuke already.<br />
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Which they did. And it was a fucking disaster.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDVPX8cvb4X9erfoFqnubu5SuQaNQDgGL5vy6zXKzRQ97rLUlMkDzChPQmct4uEo6KGZkbf1J3L-YIfezyH62v9OteG57H_hzzpkLg3AHQNQsgBjdXQ4YIq14l5t4igEN57omJMW17cGg/s1600/Castle+Bravo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDVPX8cvb4X9erfoFqnubu5SuQaNQDgGL5vy6zXKzRQ97rLUlMkDzChPQmct4uEo6KGZkbf1J3L-YIfezyH62v9OteG57H_hzzpkLg3AHQNQsgBjdXQ4YIq14l5t4igEN57omJMW17cGg/s1600/Castle+Bravo.jpg" /></a></div>
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Or a stunning success, depending on your perspective. Like, if you were an insane person, as seemed to be the case for many of our military and civilian leaders at the time, you’d call it a big win, because the yield was a full fifteen megatons. At the time, that made it the largest nuclear detonation in history, leaving a crater over a mile wide and 250 feet deep. The fireball was four miles wide and the resultant mushroom cloud seven miles wide. America, fuck yeah.<br />
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Even better, it spread a cloud of radiation over five thousand square miles of ocean. I mean, you can neutralize a lot hell of a lot of strategic assets that way.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXzLz2CXBjDG_a5OLOAsCwkYHVSe8lxkbvG37TQgQ-AQux22XeN5ZWeWE7H-7aqIeMprGoGvDclYttjf8j8JWXyTV_ZTZbenysplXEK7U3lpVPp1diq2Q9DNFil6u8-W2XBPoOnwmnOV4/s1600/Castle+Bravo+Fallout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXzLz2CXBjDG_a5OLOAsCwkYHVSe8lxkbvG37TQgQ-AQux22XeN5ZWeWE7H-7aqIeMprGoGvDclYttjf8j8JWXyTV_ZTZbenysplXEK7U3lpVPp1diq2Q9DNFil6u8-W2XBPoOnwmnOV4/s1600/Castle+Bravo+Fallout.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The test was so successful that indigenous strategic assets had to be evacuated from islands which were rendered uninhabitable by fallout. Five strategic assets on the Japanese fishing boat Daigo Fukuryu Maru were exposed, resulting in the death of one of those strategic assets. Radioactive contamination from the test was carried by wind and ocean currents all around the Pacific Rim, from the west coast of America to Japan and Australia.<br />
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So, it was a rousing success, unless you happen to be afflicted by sanity.<br />
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Speaking of sanity and the lack thereof, you know what nuclear weapons would be great for? The construction business.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfHERbz5Dbn34pWs2yQAM9mJh1Qai8aufkcsAgudJ1MW5yO1FNuZTMoLknRgeEcaNyTKhbZXegwg3Bw68t0caeJHB4ptduDVmOF-yHhXYH6cXWNk372BuVB1A8asN9lu9lZBfXpt_sApk/s1600/Atoms+for+Peace+Plowshare.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfHERbz5Dbn34pWs2yQAM9mJh1Qai8aufkcsAgudJ1MW5yO1FNuZTMoLknRgeEcaNyTKhbZXegwg3Bw68t0caeJHB4ptduDVmOF-yHhXYH6cXWNk372BuVB1A8asN9lu9lZBfXpt_sApk/s1600/Atoms+for+Peace+Plowshare.gif" /></a></div>
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From that nugget of an idea came 1961’s Operation Plowshare, a proof-of-concept plan to demonstrate the myriad peaceful applications of multi-kiloton nuclear devices. The goal of Plowshare was to develop a toolbox of nuclear earth moving techniques—whose concepts ranged from merely frightening to utter, batshit insanity—and then hand them over to the private sector. Because, really, what damage can the private sector possibly do with nukes that the government hasn’t already?<br />
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Techniques developed by Plowshare were to be used to excavate rock and to fracture fossil fuel deposits for collection of their now-radioactive natural gas. If that sounds familiar, it’s basically just frakking, except instead of fracturing the rock with water, you use a nuclear warhead. What could be less controversial?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjucLWXtS-j8Vn6hw6lBIhvdKMVHssIIS-smk_Jh0wl8ACM0z2j49-HaZwp13OIbH7uXayvWZI5uEhlMPUO5VQ91NFMhsmLap4IihL7L7mL6M5RbTlsa7747NZKj8clzn_fMactXA7B4hA/s1600/Plowshare+Nuclear+Frakking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjucLWXtS-j8Vn6hw6lBIhvdKMVHssIIS-smk_Jh0wl8ACM0z2j49-HaZwp13OIbH7uXayvWZI5uEhlMPUO5VQ91NFMhsmLap4IihL7L7mL6M5RbTlsa7747NZKj8clzn_fMactXA7B4hA/s1600/Plowshare+Nuclear+Frakking.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Similar methods were proposed for leached copper recovery and steam generation. And hey, wouldn’t nuclear devices make strip mining that much more wonderful?<br />
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If you’re already floored by this nuclear hubris, you may want to take a moment, because it gets worse from there. A Plowshare subproject codenamed Carryall planned to use twenty-two nuclear bombs to cut through the Bristol Mountains in California. Then a highway and rail line could be constructed across them. Complete, I imagine, with signs instructing motorists to please keep their windows rolled up.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWz-pvU8IfTndU0Cj7ph3hUCRIuZiJ98TwmaDv-adqrEJhq7lXcSv15yOt9BfIqOl1cTZR3umu6hW8-PEO5AKHgfvUFct2_82K9kCd81f728UG_mjr4lTCjossSeSbSr9zCYTw8tQkFzU/s1600/Plowshare+Bristol+Cut.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWz-pvU8IfTndU0Cj7ph3hUCRIuZiJ98TwmaDv-adqrEJhq7lXcSv15yOt9BfIqOl1cTZR3umu6hW8-PEO5AKHgfvUFct2_82K9kCd81f728UG_mjr4lTCjossSeSbSr9zCYTw8tQkFzU/s1600/Plowshare+Bristol+Cut.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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And if you did happen to ride the crazy train through Carryall mountain pass, the next stop would be a nuclear-blasted sea-level link connecting the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, to be called the “Pan-Atomic Canal.”<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPEkiVjAPL1X-62CwfJwAMc8aMeHDzsPJXOdn1LnaqpjZ40ddxjQ6-Y9An6XXnduMx_lXtS4PjFkZbrE0uguLkWdESFTKSEGn6BGsbqNpjFp1px3wmDML9JJvdcUrJuHZ6EbrUETJbBo0/s1600/Plowshare+Nuclear+Canal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPEkiVjAPL1X-62CwfJwAMc8aMeHDzsPJXOdn1LnaqpjZ40ddxjQ6-Y9An6XXnduMx_lXtS4PjFkZbrE0uguLkWdESFTKSEGn6BGsbqNpjFp1px3wmDML9JJvdcUrJuHZ6EbrUETJbBo0/s1600/Plowshare+Nuclear+Canal.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Once those ships transit Central America, though, they’ll need a harbor to dock at. And won’t it be easier to find that harbor if it glows in the dark? Enter project Chariot, which would chain several nuclear bombs to blow open an artificial harbor.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD5q6bOPUqJDzsZFpdYjnp-I7RXFbKdq6xqjUpjjku12JLYDGaRfv5H6dAUMkV8qhsiCbpmVvAIn5knqmFlUeGCRLDFqzyd9KkZZPUmHn1k9RkbwV0DnvvPXAqUGx-71WEtkV_qXaQcwk/s1600/Plowshare+220px-Project_Chariot_plans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD5q6bOPUqJDzsZFpdYjnp-I7RXFbKdq6xqjUpjjku12JLYDGaRfv5H6dAUMkV8qhsiCbpmVvAIn5knqmFlUeGCRLDFqzyd9KkZZPUmHn1k9RkbwV0DnvvPXAqUGx-71WEtkV_qXaQcwk/s1600/Plowshare+220px-Project_Chariot_plans.jpg" /></a></div>
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Now that you’ve docked your cargo ship, though, you have to get your goods out to the people. You’d like to use a river barge, but the only river nearby doesn’t connect to the river you need to send your product up. Well shit, man, with nuclear bombs we can make rivers into whatever shape we want. Project Tombigee/Tennessee River would have done just that, combining the aforementioned little rivers into one big river.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBr-Zx88_itN3wRGspr6wqRZHhdALDVVLX7EfpJ72MvVDam1UycKY23FUqSuhJxblYe0i20TjCj2kXHWMcY7CB4LxAz9b1EyW1udZY_NtqIsPeCWFHC_eh2M6iQW1XV_aQTse6dDLF0XI/s1600/Plowshare+River+cut.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBr-Zx88_itN3wRGspr6wqRZHhdALDVVLX7EfpJ72MvVDam1UycKY23FUqSuhJxblYe0i20TjCj2kXHWMcY7CB4LxAz9b1EyW1udZY_NtqIsPeCWFHC_eh2M6iQW1XV_aQTse6dDLF0XI/s1600/Plowshare+River+cut.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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But, you ask, what if blowing up all those rivers creates a water shortage? Well, my friend, nuclear bombs have you covered there, too. Plowshare proposed to use nuclear bombs to connect two aquifers for easier water access. In another proposal, Plowshare would create a rubble chimney above porous rock, which would allow rainwater to seep through the rubble and collect in an artificial aquifer. Think of it as a value-add proposition, because your drinking water would be suffused with expensive radioisotopes.<br />
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Thankfully, someone finally came to their sense and cancelled the program in 1977, before it could do any major harm. But for the decade and a half in between, someone thought all of this was a good idea.<br />
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If I may come back to the present day for a moment before I wrap this up, I’m reminded of a bit of common wisdom that’s become popular over the last decade: "we have to keep nuclear weapons out of the wrong hands." On its face, the statement is indisputable, more a truism than a proposition, but something about it has always bothered me. It wasn’t until I was doing research for this series of articles that I finally realized what it was.<br />
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The problem is that it rests upon an unfounded, unspoken premise: that there’s such a thing as the right hands.<br />
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I leave you now with a song.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/vdytOGnUFoI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-65426273732257995232014-11-24T20:01:00.001-05:002014-11-24T20:01:28.424-05:00Reminder...The final (for now) installment of Ill-Advised Nuclear Testing will be going up on Wednesday as normal, but after that it'll be light blogging for the foreseeable future.<br />
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So make sure you hold that article close and read the shit out of it.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-70379568520421472242014-11-05T00:00:00.001-05:002014-11-05T00:00:05.875-05:00Ill-Advised Nuclear Testing, Part 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9CzMyLw0O2Wznu-Lm-jRlivyT9srIlNu7gknLx2DYgRmGyFv0ujRKdYPkXYTwQ0_yZUQJcp-1dSnCm4bqKry6zRDEuD0l528yfE_BXP27NWoKePv7mN1JDK69UGaSB0ICKtZBvnkRYcE/s1600/Great+Bomb+Today.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9CzMyLw0O2Wznu-Lm-jRlivyT9srIlNu7gknLx2DYgRmGyFv0ujRKdYPkXYTwQ0_yZUQJcp-1dSnCm4bqKry6zRDEuD0l528yfE_BXP27NWoKePv7mN1JDK69UGaSB0ICKtZBvnkRYcE/s1600/Great+Bomb+Today.jpg" /></a></div>
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Last time in this series, we talked about Operation <strike>Clusterfuck</strike> Crossroads. You may remember that the testing was halted after only two nuclear detonations, due to no one having a goddamn clue what they were doing. So, with the testing cut short, one vital question remained unanswered: wouldn’t it be cool to detonate a nuke half a mile underwater?<br />
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The answer to that question would have to wait nearly a decade, until memory of Operation Crossroads had faded. And then, finally, the dream of a deep-water nuclear test would be revived in Operation Wigwam. Why Wigwam? Because the atomic bomb was invented too late to contribute to the genocide of Native Americans, but we can still nuke them in spirit.<br />
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So in May of 1955, a Mark 90 nuclear device was taken five hundred miles off the coast of San Diego and suspended by cable from a barge. Video from the test can be found <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ujry6dZLsvo">here</a>.<br />
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5/6th scale model submarines—codenamed “Squaws,” because let’s really rub it in, guys—were deployed to gauge the effect of an underwater detonation on enemy subs. The detonation went largely unnoticed, though it was picked up on seismological instruments across the Pacific and a cargo ship leaving San Francisco radioed in to ask if there’d been an earthquake.<br />
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The test was better planned than Crossroads and the personnel better prepared, but they still didn’t exactly have their shit together. One of the observation ships lost power due to damage from the blast, remaining within the danger zone for longer than the test plan called for, and the crew apparently had to shelter in the center of the ship during the four hours it took to make repairs.<br />
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The Navy cheerfully reported no dead marine animals observed after the test. This claim was made in the same report in which they claimed 100% of radioactive materials were contained to the ocean, which makes me think they just weren’t looking very hard. In the months following the test, a radioactive fish was detected during spot checks at a cannery on the West Coast, but the Navy blamed it on contamination from a test the previous year—as if that made it better. There was no word, naturally, on how many radioactive fish entered the food supply because they hadn't been spot-checked.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXwSy1fFHAc2XDsBo2amUy863e7qR7vbH6paFCMREmwVFndlaAnVql30_VmIuLdtjt8XMED3uO6mUMHe2HiGab_v8SGl6TF9l_eRWnQemlRXf6deHw0Stlj87xBFhaEZBUFrOqApWlgYE/s1600/ellen-dory-finding-nemo-2__oPt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXwSy1fFHAc2XDsBo2amUy863e7qR7vbH6paFCMREmwVFndlaAnVql30_VmIuLdtjt8XMED3uO6mUMHe2HiGab_v8SGl6TF9l_eRWnQemlRXf6deHw0Stlj87xBFhaEZBUFrOqApWlgYE/s1600/ellen-dory-finding-nemo-2__oPt.jpg" height="181" width="200" /></a></div>
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Flush with the afterglow of blowing up the ocean with a nuclear device, the Department of Defense started to wonder what it would be like to blow up the upper atmosphere. And in the spring and summer of 1958, they did exactly that as part of <a href="https://archive.org/details/OperationHARDTACK_HighAltitudeTests1958">Operation Hardtack</a>.<br />
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The high altitude portion of Hardtack, codenamed Newsreel for obvious reasons, was a disaster even on its own terms. In its first high altitude test, codenamed Yucca, a bomb was suspended from a balloon fifteen miles above the surface. The bomb detonated as planned, but the desired data was not acquired because the scientific instruments suspended below it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p85xwZ_OLX0">were not turned on</a> at the time of detonation. Well shit man, what do you expect, perfection?<br />
<br />
The next test, codenamed Teak, was sent up by rocket and intended to detonate over the Pacific, off the coast of Johnston Island at an altitude of 250,000 feet. Unfortunately, someone must have misplaced a decimal point or confused imperial for metric, because this is what actually happened:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyDMs8EEtdkCoSTIRFswQ5z-eKSaLbNhP2R-GZSgd9djmFluZDJOS4aH-WGMp8_j5lCFqc7v42YqEnE08MxPw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Yeah, you guys might want to put some aloe on that. But hey, third time’s the charm, right? So testing continued according to schedule and the Orange test was conducted at an altitude intermediate to the first two tests. It went better than the first two, but it could only have gone worse if someone accidentally left the warhead under their desk.<br />
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In the end, however, I’m sure that plenty of valuable data was gathered from these experiments, as shown by whatever the fuck is going on in this documentary picture of an actual Operation Newsreel researcher:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzOdfjsnLQbcakkd3YdnCLfIQj5Ctg98lbtzkWRFysaVtAq18S5nt81UOGdv7m9-MSpR5J4yA_YTnNapEVdjOmenLt47vmkK2LChkSlpU01dexHBFX0bwpkSpkJl6eFzRqLo9cxKyIE0Q/s1600/Teak+rabbit+WTF.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzOdfjsnLQbcakkd3YdnCLfIQj5Ctg98lbtzkWRFysaVtAq18S5nt81UOGdv7m9-MSpR5J4yA_YTnNapEVdjOmenLt47vmkK2LChkSlpU01dexHBFX0bwpkSpkJl6eFzRqLo9cxKyIE0Q/s1600/Teak+rabbit+WTF.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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No, seriously. What the fuck is going on here?</div>
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But you know what the upside of fucking up your high altitude nuclear tests is? You get to do them over and blow up even more nukes in the upper atmosphere! For that matter, why stop at the upper atmosphere when it’s finally within our ability to nuke outer space?<br />
<br />
This was the genesis of 1962’s Operation Fishbowl. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
It is the policy of the United States that activities in space should be devoted to peaceful purposes for the benefit of all mankind.<br />
-U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Act of 1958</blockquote>
Nah, screw that noise, let’s slip the surly bonds of Earth and fuck some shit up. This time there would be none of the screw-ups from Newsreel. This time, we’d dot our i's and cross our t’s, making sure every single facet of the testing was well understood and every contingency planned for.<br />
<br />
Shit, nevermind. We just dropped a nuke into the ocean. My bad. Turns out we really weren’t rocket scientists, after all.<br />
<br />
The first planned test, codenamed Bluegill, aborted when they just kinda lost track of the test rocket after launch. With no ability to tell which way the thing was going, the rocket was destroyed remotely, preventing a nuclear detonation but raining bits of its nuclear core over a wide area of the Pacific Ocean. <br />
<br />
The second planned test, codenamed Starfish, was not quite as successful as Bluegill, which is saying a lot. Starfish’s rocket motor stopped working at about 30,000 feet and also had to be destroyed remotely. Again, raw uranium and plutonium debris from a thermonuclear device rained down into the Pacific Ocean. Some of this contamination fell on Johnston Island. And yes, that's the same Johnston Island above which a nuke was accidentally detonated during Operation Newsreel.<br />
<br />
After that, Operation Fishbowl was given some time to dry out and get its shit together. Three weeks later, it was back with a third test called Starfish Prime. Defying all the odds, Starfish Prime actually worked, detonating a 1.4 megaton warhead at an altitude of 250 miles.<br />
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Starfish explosion as seen from Honolulu</div>
<br />
Starfish Prime exceeded all expectation, in the sense that it caused more property damage than any of the operational planners had dared to hope for. The ionizing radiation generated by the blast stripped electrons from atoms in the upper atmosphere and sent them screaming down through the Earth’s magnetic field at a significant fraction of the speed of light. This interaction in turn created an electromagnetic pulse over the central Pacific. The pulse damaged the electrical grid in Hawaii and cut the telephone link to and from Kauai.<br />
<br />
Worse still, many of those electrons were deflected along Earth's magnetic field lines and created an artificial radiation belt that wrapped around the globe for five years before finally dissipating. The belt destroyed seven satellites, at a time when there weren’t a whole lot satellites in orbit. Among its victims was the just-launched Telstar 1, the world’s first commercial telecommunications satellite.<br />
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And if all this talk of electrons reminds you of an aurora, then you’re probably smart enough to conduct a high altitude nuclear trial, at least by the standards of the 1960’s. Possibly too smart, as some sources claim the artificial aurora resulting from Starfish Prime took the researchers by surprise.<br />
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Starfish aurora seen from Maui.</div>
<br />
The aurora stretched two thousand miles, spanning the equator and illuminating a third of the Pacific. The most intense aurora effects lasted only a few minutes, but some of them persisted for days, and were bright enough for the New Zealand Air Force to conduct anti-submarine exercises by.<br />
<br />
With seven satellite kills in the pipeline and a man-made light show unlike any seen before, Operation Fishbowl was finally back on track. So naturally, they blew up their next rocket on the launch pad after an engine malfunction and sprayed yet more radioactive plutonium across Johnston Island.<br />
<br />
That test was going to be Bluegill Prime, and the next one in line was Bluegill Double Prime. Why Bluegill Double Prime? Because you try coming up with enough new names to stay ahead of all our catastrophic launch failures.<br />
<br />
Bluegill Double Prime blew up too. It started tumbling shortly after launch and had to be destroyed, showering debris from its nuclear core onto—everybody say it together now—Johnston Island. <br />
<br />
Pro tip: do not ever vacation on Johnston Island.<br />
<br />
Fourth time’s the charm, though, right? And finally, on Bluegill Triple Prime, the rocket launched and the bomb detonated without a hitch.<br />
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I’m sure they got lots of fantastic pictures of angry men staring at rabbits, so it was all worth it.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-56279011041233223472014-10-22T00:00:00.000-04:002016-04-29T19:33:10.945-04:00Letters Home<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I still haven't gotten a response from any of my previous letters, but that won't stop me from sending more. Nothing will stop me.<br />
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Someone please stop me.<br />
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Text version after the cut.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
Red Bull North America Headquarters<br />
ATTN: Medical Department and/or Customer Service<br />
1740 Stewart St.<br />
Santa Monica, CA 90404 US<br />
<br />
Dear Red Bull,<br />
<br />
I am writing you today with crushing sadness and unquenchable rage, to inform you that the wings Red Bull gave me are completely vestigial.<br />
<br />
It all began at The Squirt Factory, the most exclusive nightclub in Milpitas, California. There, on Saturday, September 27th at approximately 1:45am, I consumed an eldritch concoction known as a “Bull Rush”. A Bull Rush is a drink made with vodka, black currant juice, Red Bull, and a tenth of a bottle of absinthe. I don’t know what depravity inspired this drink’s creation, but my friends inform me that I ordered it only after consuming the first nine tenths of the bottle of absinthe.<br />
<br />
Perhaps the wing-growth that your product promised was inhibited by the alcohol, the absinthe, or even the neon yellow sweat that began to bead on my flesh within seconds of finishing my Bull Rush. Also, I haven’t urinated since the night of the incident but my clothes all smell like pee. I think it’s because I pee through my skin now.<br />
<br />
But I guess, technically, none of your ads promised that Red Bull wouldn’t make you pee through your skin, so that’s not what I’m writing about. Nevertheless, I wish you’d put a warning on the cans.<br />
<br />
What I’m writing about is the fucking wings.<br />
<br />
Seriously, these wings suck. They’re only two feet long, which is big enough to be noticeable but not big enough to be useful. They don’t generate sufficient aerodynamic lift to assume a glide path, let alone hover or propel me directly into the air, as is clearly and unambiguously promised in your commercials.<br />
<br />
In short, I can’t use these wings for anything and now none of my bras fit. Please help.<br />
<br />
Earthboundedly yours,<br />
<br />
Robyn<br />
<br />
<br />
P.S. I’m sorry about that ‘unquenchable rage’ crack. I didn’t mean to imply that your product might fail to quench either thirst or rage.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-58719092668892423972014-10-15T00:00:00.001-04:002015-09-01T01:50:06.340-04:00Ill-Advised Nuclear Testing, Part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Nuclear bombs: they’re pretty safe, right? Just make sure you’re standing behind the yellow line when they go off and you should be fine. Who drew the yellow line? Umm... some guy, I think. He had a clipboard and everything, so he must know what he’s doing.<br />
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It’s hard to do an article on the most ill-advised nuclear tests of all time, because it’s such a competitive area. You’d like to think that any nuclear testing would occur only after the most careful study and extensive cost-benefit analysis. In reality, however, most nuclear test programs seem to have their genesis with someone saying, “Hey, you know what look cool?”<br />
<br />
The tradition of poorly thought out nuclear testing goes back almost to the beginning, in fact, when competing superiority and inferiority complexes in top military brass collided to make Operation Crossroads, also known as the Able-Baker tests. It all began in August 1945, the same month that atomic bombs were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, when the Navy and a United States Senator independently proposed that we drop a few nukes on warships.<br />
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The Navy wanted to do it so they could prove they still had relevance in the nuclear age. The Army Air Force, by way of their pet Senator, wanted to do it to prove the Navy’s irrelevance in the nuclear age. Both proposals were more or less rigged to produce the desired results. The Air Force wanted to pack as many ships in as tight as possible with full loads of fuel and ammunition to assure maximum destruction, while the Navy wanted unarmed, unfueled ships spread over a wide area to show how survivable they were.<br />
<br />
To understand these political machinations, you have to understand that the Air Force brass, drunk with power after killing something like a million civilians with nuclear and conventional weapons during WWII, were of the opinion that, eh, America didn’t really need a navy anymore. The Air Force’s shiny new nuclear weapons could do anything the Navy could, and better! Shit, I bet if you put floaties on a nuclear bomb, it could have landed troops at Normandy at least as well as the stupid Navy did.<br />
<br />
The competing plans eventually compromised, crowding the ships into a small area but loading them with only small amounts of fuel and ammunition. Scientists who’d worked on the Manhattan project, apparently oblivious to the critical need for the Air Force and the Navy to get into a dick-measuring contest, warned that the entire project was as dangerous as it was pointless. They were, of course, ignored. What the hell did they know about nuclear weapons, anyway?<br />
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Amateurs.</div>
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The preparations for the test were abysmal. Simulations were conducted using a stick of dynamite and model ships. Many of the test ships being moored at Bikini Atoll had unrepaired damage from the war, which would complicate any later damage analysis. And no pretesting of the effectiveness of planned decontamination techniques was made, so they really had no idea whether they’d be able to decontaminate surviving ships. The man in charge of the tests, Vice Admiral William Blandy, apparently didn’t even realize that ships might survive an atomic blast but still receive a fatal dose of radiation. When someone brought this up, he hastily added test animals to the target vessels. He also didn’t know that the Geiger counters used on site could not detect alpha radiation, and were therefore blind to plutonium contamination.<br />
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In short, the whole operation was fucked from the start. <br />
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Rare color photo of Admiral Blandy observing the Able-Baker tests.</div>
<br />
Nevertheless, in June of 1946 the first bomb was readied for air drop aboard an Air Force B-29. It was armed with the infamous “demon core,” which had already taken the lives of two scientists in separate accidents during the Manhattan Project. In one last act of defiance, no doubt, the bomb missed its target by half a mile and landed well to the edge of the cluster of test ships, sinking only five of them.<br />
<br />
Score one for the Navy.<br />
<br />
You can find color footage of the Able test <b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnjftxLMpvI">here</a></b>. <br />
<br />
Within a day of dropping the bomb, most of the surviving target ships had been boarded for inspection and decontamination. So, yeah, let’s take that point right back. However, in what I’m just going to assume was sheer luck, given the competence level of the people in charge, the Able bomb was air-burst high enough to avoid significant fallout. Most of its fission products dispersed into the atmosphere, where you’re still breathing them today.<br />
<br />
News reporters brought in to witness the blast expressed disappointment that the bomb didn’t sink more ships, which just goes to show how quickly human beings get bored with even the most incredible events. This was only a year after the first detonation of an atomic weapon, and the A-bomb was already blasé.<br />
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Meh. </div>
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So fuck it, we’re putting the next one underwater. Won’t that look awesome?<br />
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For the Baker test, a nuclear bomb was suspended by cable from the ocean surface, so that it could detonate underneath the surviving target ships. This was a monumentally poor idea, because no one had a clue how this would affect the blast dynamics. Here’s a little preview, though: it wasn’t for the better.<br />
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When Baker went off, it lifted millions of tons of irradiated water and seabed material up to a mile in the air. When it inevitably came back down, this radioactive material expanded into a turbulent cloud of mist which spread outward, engulfing all of the test ships and bathing them in radioactivity. Since Baker was detonated below the surface, nearly all of the fission products and unfissioned plutonium settled into the local environment.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis6-Qs3lt2Nze8Ptk97LBEcrbRIesWL3uAz-WIMKVwlvO_thiL6xTModQx7kakuUIfT6UjxdV1l3aKAlc1iLrkoDRfCfYNUgE7sDFRMs-MyGVxxhXG1t2WapZPhSp1xgMHObm-Efno4fI/s1600/800px-Operation_Crossroads_Baker_wi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="324" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis6-Qs3lt2Nze8Ptk97LBEcrbRIesWL3uAz-WIMKVwlvO_thiL6xTModQx7kakuUIfT6UjxdV1l3aKAlc1iLrkoDRfCfYNUgE7sDFRMs-MyGVxxhXG1t2WapZPhSp1xgMHObm-Efno4fI/s1600/800px-Operation_Crossroads_Baker_wi.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Baker Test. The shadow at the base of the water column is thought to be the battleship <i>Arkansas</i> </div>
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being upended by the blast. </div>
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5000 people were sent into that radioactive environment to perform evaluation and decontamination. Fireboats tried to scour contamination off target ships with their hoses, but the process was largely ineffective—partly because they were trying to decontaminate with water pumped from the lagoon, which was now also radioactive. In many cases, this process only created more problems, when radioactive spray from the hoses blew back onto the fireboats and contaminated them too.<br />
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Video of the detonation and some of the fireboat cleanup efforts can be found <b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nWFx-zmI0k">here</a></b>. <br />
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And if you think that’s dumb, you haven’t heard nothing yet, because sailors were actually sent aboard test ships to decontaminate them by hand. <i>With soap and water.</i> These sailors were given no protective equipment. They went to work in their uniforms, scrubbed plutonium-contaminated decks on their hands and knees, and then returned to their ships—dragging the contamination with them to spread it there.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4qIge054Pf4q7ETUS3UfosNki_5W4qPZzVHDMmVqGIz6r42xOCl-yemV5DNsEqZpqIlPAk4z2iJJYFnDscovNOAlDawJlbAuJ6ZZds-Ib86JIAmxUfFQmK6IhS0tDl8QwgHCfbYems2s/s1600/cleanliness+is+next+to+glowiness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4qIge054Pf4q7ETUS3UfosNki_5W4qPZzVHDMmVqGIz6r42xOCl-yemV5DNsEqZpqIlPAk4z2iJJYFnDscovNOAlDawJlbAuJ6ZZds-Ib86JIAmxUfFQmK6IhS0tDl8QwgHCfbYems2s/s1600/cleanliness+is+next+to+glowiness.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Cleanliness is next to glowiness. </div>
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Even worse, the Navy was under the impression that target ships moored at the very edge of the test site could be recrewed and sailed home before being scrapped. Why in the holy hell would anyone want to occupy a ship that’s had an a-bomb dropped on it, and that’s just going to be scrapped anyway? Well, remember that dick-swinging contest between the Air Force and the Navy? The Navy wanted to take its surviving ships back to the mainland and get pictures of them steaming into port, to prove they were still operational after being hit by an atomic blast.<br />
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Two ships were thus reoccupied. Their crews promptly received a dangerous dose of radiation and had to be evacuated. The commander of the condemned battleship USS <i>New York</i> even got into a pissing match with the officer in charge of safety, Colonel Stafford Warren, and accused him of taking his Geiger counter readings too close to the deck of the ship. The deck where, you know, people have to walk, so wouldn’t it be a nice little bonus if it wasn't a cancer factory?<br />
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Speaking of things that aren't supposed to glow in the dark, guess what the fish in the lagoon started to do. Yup. They started to glow. Not in a visible wavelength, mind you, but let's just say that you could take an x-ray picture of them without actually using x-rays. Because, see, the fish were so radioactive that they now provided their own x-rays. Here's one of the blue tangs (a.k.a. surgeon fish) caught after the test, photographed in both x-ray and visible wavelengths:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiixicRZ7KBIbU2qrKXVPLVKKXxegarpUpYYjlkzAgKHcqSRybevIGvjlEGADkrge8c0KMMIBz825aXTexCtCQLDt89-fHl7wW5YLYtUllcNIDrcpcYiT4dRVaBNMJgex71-aj8IaoRnHo/s1600/Operation+Crossroads+Radioative+Surgeon+Fish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiixicRZ7KBIbU2qrKXVPLVKKXxegarpUpYYjlkzAgKHcqSRybevIGvjlEGADkrge8c0KMMIBz825aXTexCtCQLDt89-fHl7wW5YLYtUllcNIDrcpcYiT4dRVaBNMJgex71-aj8IaoRnHo/s1600/Operation+Crossroads+Radioative+Surgeon+Fish.jpg" /></a></div>
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At least it has a positive attitude.</div>
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The incredibly disturbing fish picture, along with data coming in from off-site tests for plutonium contamination—which were showing positive even when samples were taken deep inside the target ships—finally convinced Vice Admiral Blandy that he’d created a massive clusterfuck and ought to stop before things got even worse. The third detonation in the Crossroads operation was cancelled, all operations at Bikini Atoll were suspended, and most of the surviving test ships were sunk.<br />
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No one immediately died from the radioactive contamination of the Crossroads tests, though not for lack of effort on the Navy’s part. The mortality rate among veterans present at Bikini, however, has been higher than that for veterans generally, and 200 premature deaths may be attributable to the Able-Baker tests. <br />
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Oh yeah, and did I mention that people were living there? Yeah, Bikini was inhabited prior to the tests. It isn’t now, of course, what with the glow-in-the-dark fish and whatnot. The natives were evacuated to Rongerik Atoll, which then had to be evacuated after it too was contaminated by fallout from the botched Castle Bravo nuclear test in 1954.<br />
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So congratulations, Bikinians. You’re honorary <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hibakusha#Double_survivors">nijū hibakusha</a>! Hopefully that thought will help get you through your chemotherapy.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-5661902367933750872014-10-08T00:00:00.001-04:002016-05-18T19:59:03.698-04:00Buffy's The Order of Dagon Discovers Common Sense<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Transcript of </b><b>Order of Dagon </b><b>Contingency Planning Meeting Regarding </b><b><a href="http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/The_Key">The Key</a> </b></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>:</span> Order, order. This meeting will now come to order. Thank you for attending, Brothers. I’ve called you here today because the Hell Goddess known as The Beast, a.k.a. Glorificus, a.k.a. Glory, a.k.a. The Abomination, a.k.a. That Which Cannot Be Named, has discovered that we hold The Key and seeks us even now. If she defeats us and takes The Key, she will unleash Hell on Earth in her attempt to return to her own dimension.<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: Question, Brother. I’ve never understood the “That Which Cannot Be Named” part. Can anyone explain that?<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: It’s very simple, Michal. She is far too evil to even put a name to.<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: But Kazamir just put a name to her. Several, in fact. For someone who cannot be named, she has quite a few of them.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: Will both of you please shut up? We refer to Glory as “That Which Cannot Be Named” because she was born in the far depths of time, when the universe was fluid and mystical—before sound, before speech, and thus before names.<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: Fair enough, fair enough. But, technically speaking, can't anything that existed in that time be accurately called “That Which Cannot Be Named”? It seems to me that we need a more specific system. Perhaps Glory could be “That Which Cannot Be Named One”, and then the next thing which cannot be named would be two, and then three, and everything would follow from there, until eventually you reach things that can be named.<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: Oh, and can we change it to “That Which Could Not Be Named”? “That Which Cannot Be Named” implies that it cannot be named now, which is plainly untrue, since we're obviously naming it.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: I fear that we’re wandering from the point.<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: I have an idea. Why don’t we call her “That Which Could Not Then But Currently Can Be Named.”<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: One.<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: What?<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: “That Which Could Not Then But Currently Can Be Named One.”<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: Can be named one what?<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: No, no. I mean she’s the first thing that could not then but currently can be named.<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: Do we know that for certain, though? She could be the second thing that could not then but currently can be named.<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: Yes, yes, but she’s the first thing that could not then be named, but which we’ve taken to naming now, though it could not once but now can certainly, currently... be... ummm... be named. Thus, one.<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: I don’t follow you.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: Shut up! Shut up! We’re here to talk about my plans for The Key! If Glory obtains The Key, the world is doomed! We must do everything in our power to hide it from her. We'll figure out the name shit later.<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: Quite so! Please continue, Brother Kazamir.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: Very well. I have been working on this problem all night, and I have a brilliant solution. I propose that we use an ancient ritual to transform the key into a teenaged girl living in Southern California, younger sister to Buffy Summers, the Slayer, and that we alter the fabric of reality throughout the entire world so that all humanity—with the contractually stipulated exception of the mentally ill—believe The Key is and has always been Buffy’s younger sister.<br />
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[Here, the transcriber notes that there followed “One full minute of crickets chirping”.]<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: Apologies, Brother, but ARE YOU HIGH ON CRACK RIGHT NOW?<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: I was just going to ask that.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: What? What? Why would you say such a thing? I think it's a good plan. I thought you'd like it!<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: If I may be permitted to speak for my esteemed Brothers Otmar and Vladimir, I believe that they mean no insult, but merely wish to point out the fact that this is the plan of someone who’s high on crack.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: Oh, come on! Think about it! The Slayer will protect The Key, for The Key will be her own sister. For what would she sacrifice more, than for her own sister?<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: I, uhh, I don't know about more, but I daresay she’d sacrifice exactly as much to protect a Key that could destroy the whole world. <br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: Exactly. If we’re going to count on The Slayer, why not just give her the damn Key and tell her exactly what it’s for? Why all this obfuscation? It just seems like we could save everyone a lot of hassle that way. Also, The Key wouldn't be wandering around and causing shenanigans.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: But if The Key were a mere object to her, she might destroy it rather than letting it fall into Glory’s hands.<br />
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[Here, the transcriber notes that there followed “TWO full minutes of crickets chirping”.]<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: What, exactly, would be wrong with that?<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: Indeed. In fact, why don't we just destroy it ourselves?<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: I’ve always wondered why we don’t just break the damn thing. I mean, why keep it around when it serves no useful function and can destroy the world? That’s not the kind of thing you keep in a junk drawer, for old time’s sake.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: It is a sacred object of ancient power! We cannot simply smash it.<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: Why not?<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: Because... ancient power. You know. Ancient power!<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: What ancient power? It only does one bloody thing. It opens up a gateway to every dimension simultaneously, thereby unleashing countless hells on Earth. What do we want one of those for?<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: Maybe he's worried he'll get bored with the Earth someday?<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: You’re both wrong. Brother Kazamir keeps The Key around so he can extract favors from people. I can’t count the number of times I’ve refused to lend him money, and then he’s been all like, “That sure is a nice planet you got there. Shame if anything happened to it.”<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: Merciful Dagon! That’s horrible!<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: We’re not destroying The Key, okay? I'm putting my foot down. That’s final. And if you don’t like it, then...<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: Are you threatening to unleash countless hells on Earth if we don’t go along with your stupid plan?<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: That’s exactly what he’s doing. He does it all the time.<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: Now that I think of it, he did once threaten to destroy the Earth if I didn’t turn down my music.<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: So I suppose we have no choice.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: Then we're agreed. We use our powers to transform The Key into Buffy’s little sister. And we name her Dawn.<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: Dawn?<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: Give me that look one more time, Brother Vladimir, and I'll destroy the Earth. Don't think I won't.<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: Ahem. I think, perhaps, that I’ve found a compromise...<br />
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[Here, the transcriber notes that Brother Michal held up a newspaper whose headline announced the impending launch of NASA’s Mars Exploration Rover, Opportunity.]<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Brother Michal</b></span>: Perhaps instead of transforming The Key into the Slayer’s little sister, we should transform it into the Mars robot’s little sister, eh?<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: And no one would ever suspect a thing! There would be no one to work out the secret, what with The Key being shot off to another planet. And even if they did suspect, how are they going to get to it?<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>:That's a stupid plan. Who would believe that NASA would launch two identical robots to the same planet?<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: It's better than your dumb plan.<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: Because, unlike you, we’re not on crack.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: I am not on crack! Not... today.<br />
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<span style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Brother Vladimir</b></span>: I'll lend you money for crack if you agree to our less insane plan.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>Brother Kazamir</b></span>: Deal!<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Brother Otmar</b></span>: Then let us begin the ceremony...Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-83919229969987946012014-10-01T00:00:00.001-04:002014-10-02T23:33:03.112-04:00Fun With Broken Arrows<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrVMFdy1cXmCuKp7YA34Wm9PryaSJeHEZlyJcpkjNTXHqVXf3si0SCc2HyOMgVAclhyphenhyphen3xmnpip7S7mL8EuPnxthw77XQkjn35_ykBFr6bTSHdspflgx6yAWJz18jeYSsFXL72o5Mydlv8/s1600/Buck+Turgidson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrVMFdy1cXmCuKp7YA34Wm9PryaSJeHEZlyJcpkjNTXHqVXf3si0SCc2HyOMgVAclhyphenhyphen3xmnpip7S7mL8EuPnxthw77XQkjn35_ykBFr6bTSHdspflgx6yAWJz18jeYSsFXL72o5Mydlv8/s1600/Buck+Turgidson.jpg" height="303" width="400" /></a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.”<br />
–General Buck Turgidson, <i>Dr. Strangelove</i></blockquote>
Have you ever lost something important at work? An expensive tool, a critical spreadsheet, or maybe an entire intern? You know that sinking feeling you get when you realize how badly you screwed up? Just imagine how much worse it would be, if that intern were made of plutonium.<br />
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The U.S. military classifies nuclear weapons incidents on a scale that starts small at “Dull Sword,” indicating an event which could have become a nuclear incident under different circumstances. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1950_British_Columbia_B-36_crash">For example</a>, in 1950 the crew of a B-36 Peacemaker bomber that was experiencing engine trouble decided, before bailing out, to drop their Mark 4 nuclear bomb on Canada. Because fuck Canada, right? The bomb was only loaded with a practice nuclear core, however, which made a nuclear detonation impossible.<br />
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1950, in fact, witnessed a second Dull Sword event <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1950_Rivi%C3%A8re-du-Loup_B-50_nuclear_weapon_loss_incident">when a B-50</a> also experienced engine trouble and its crew also decided to drop their Mark 4 nuclear bomb on Canada. Yeah, by 1950 the United States Air Force had already dropped as many nuclear bombs on Canada as it had on Japan. And why the hell not? It’s nothing but snow, hockey, and socialized medicine up there. It’s practically Russia already.<br />
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Here you go, Canada. Have two of these on Uncle Sam.</div>
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Next in order of severity is a Bent Spear incident, which involves a relatively minor mistake or accident which has only the smallest probability of ending civilization. The most famous of these occurred in 2007 when a B-52 that was supposed to be ferrying unarmed cruise missiles for disposal was accidentally loaded with six live nuclear warheads, each one having a maximum yield of 150 kilotons. That’s a total explosive potential around 50 times larger than the “Little Boy” bomb that killed a hundred thousand people when dropped on Hiroshima. Breaking with tradition, these cruise missiles were not fired at Canada, but were instead delivered to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana, where someone finally noticed they were live weapons. By then, a full two days had passed since they were improperly removed from their secure bunker. In that time, no one at the site of origin had noticed that six nuclear warheads were missing.<br />
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Next comes Empty Quiver, which is the theft, seizure, or other inadvertent loss of a nuclear weapon. Boooooring. Wake me up when we get to…<br />
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A Broken Arrow. These are the mack daddies of nuclear weapons incidents. A Broken Arrow is any incident in which there's a risk of detonation or release of fissile warhead material. Since the 1950’s, there have been approximately a gajillion of these incidents. Taken individually, most involved no or fairly low probabilities of accidental nuclear detonation, but put all of them together and it’s a fucking miracle that we haven’t accidentally vaporized a bunch of people.<br />
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The first Broken Arrow I’m aware of happened in 1950—a real banner year for nuclear mishaps—when <a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=9&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CF0QFjAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dod.mil%2Fpubs%2Ffoi%2Foperation_and_plans%2FNuclearChemicalBiologicalMatters%2F21.pdf&ei=tXMXVJ-nNMf0igLe0YCwBA&usg=AFQjCNHjHknn63T1UWkuuzoBXE993v4HMg&sig2=PhWDBUZXS7jKlDkxM3jfZQ&bvm=bv.75097201,d.cGE">a nuclear-armed B-29</a> crashed three minutes after takeoff. The nuclear core was aboard but not installed at the time of the crash, so the fissile plutonium merely cooked in the fire until they could put it out. No big.<br />
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Not to be outdone by the Americans, a <a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CCkQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.greenpeace.org%2Finternational%2FGlobal%2Finternational%2Fplanet-2%2Freport%2F2006%2F2%2Fhandler-nuclear-accidents.pdf&ei=NnkXVKrVMMTXigKWtICICw&usg=AFQjCNHdXXplu2KnIdVbbethqFywGfgDUw&sig2=xXlVGkV-iTCa3tjap9jJhQ&bvm=bv.75097201,d.cGE">Soviet submarine in 1977</a> accidentally dropped a nuclear missile into the northern Pacific Ocean. There was a build-up of pressure in the launch tube and they just, you know, accidentally dropped it overboard. <b><a href="http://youtu.be/W4qDifIN6nU?t=4s">Woops</a></b>. <br />
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In fairness to the Soviets, the ocean floor is a popular place for accidentally leaving nuclear weapons. In 1965, the U.S. Navy <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1965_Philippine_Sea_A-4_incident">dropped one off an aircraft carrier</a> while steaming south of Japan. The bomb, the pilot, and the aircraft they were both attached to rolled off an elevator and were never recovered. The loss was not revealed, however, until 1981. Apparently, someone at the Pentagon feared that Japanese people might have strong opinions about nuclear weapons for some strange reason.<br />
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God, Japan, you’re such a Canada.<br />
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My absolute favorite broken arrow, however, has to be the 1961 crash of a B-52 in Goldsboro, North Carolina. The Air Force, having learned absolutely nothing from the shenanigans back in 1950, had armed the aircraft with two Mark 39 thermonuclear bombs—both live, with their plutonium cores fully installed. During a refueling operation off the coast, the tanker crew noticed a fuel leak on the B-52’s right wing. The pilots attempted to make an emergency landing, but the bomber began to break up at around 10,000 feet and the crew ejected, leaving the live bombs in their falling aircraft.<br />
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On one of the bombs, three of four safety mechanisms completely failed on the way down and the bomb armed itself for a ground burst. Following its programming to the letter, it deployed its drag chute to slow its descent, activated its detonation triggers, and charged its firing capacitors. When it hit the ground in a muddy field, the trigger mechanism activated, sending an electrical signal to the firing capacitors. If that signal had arrived, the <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/20/usaf-atomic-bomb-north-carolina-1961">capacitors would have discharged</a> and the bomb would have detonated.<br />
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If it had gone off, according to <a href="http://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/?&kt=3800&lat=35.362269&lng=-78.0459452&airburst=0&hob_ft=0&crater=1&casualties=1&humanitarian=1&fallout=1&ff=55&fatalities=21728&injuries=36807&psi_1=107248&zm=7">calculations I made using Nukemap,</a> the 3.8 megaton bomb would have created a crater five hundred feet deep. The fireball would have been a mile wide. It would have leveled every building for five miles in every direction. It would have inflicted third degree burns on 100% of exposed persons within twelve miles. The cloud of radioactive fallout would have stretched four hundred miles under moderate wind conditions, reaching as far as Atlanta or Philadelphia depending on wind speed and direction. Something like 20,000 people would have died.<br />
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Only an arm/safe switch—the single safety mechanism which worked properly on that bomb—stopped this from happening.<br />
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<i>But</i>, you protest, <i>that arm/safe switch couldn’t possibly have malfunctioned, right? It’s surely failsafe, right? Right? RIGHT?! For fuck’s sake, Robyn, that last switch must have been very reliable!</i><br />
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Actually, now that you mention it, do you remember that there were <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1961_Goldsboro_B-52_crash">two bombs</a>? On the second bomb, the triggers did not activate, the capacitors did not charge, and the drag chute did not open. Many of its components were never found, but they did recover the arming switch—the same switch that, on the first bomb, was all that stood in the way of a nuclear detonation.<br />
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When found, the second bomb’s switch was set to the armed position.<br />
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Sleep tight, everyone.Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-234943787099719815.post-62717843681491541232014-09-24T01:24:00.000-04:002014-09-24T01:24:19.998-04:00The Unspeakable Horror of Pee Wee's Playhouse<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuTIsGHm1gVe0MlQMk0bSGLDbsMgPP83VQHXxLAgN1JPtczG0s1WmlWm4VJgewtbfIR7kDxv43S-M3AOQRumq2WBIN6aQ9IFvExWu6cd9quwDi-ZJZg405MIA1lGncmjvZiLYXe93bY34/s1600/Title+Grab.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Pee-Wee's Playhouse Sign" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuTIsGHm1gVe0MlQMk0bSGLDbsMgPP83VQHXxLAgN1JPtczG0s1WmlWm4VJgewtbfIR7kDxv43S-M3AOQRumq2WBIN6aQ9IFvExWu6cd9quwDi-ZJZg405MIA1lGncmjvZiLYXe93bY34/s320/Title+Grab.jpg" height="245" title="" width="320" /></a></div>
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Have you ever wondered how Pee Wee’s Playhouse came about?<br />
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No, seriously. How do you explain a cowboy living in the same neighborhood as a member of some sort of cow aristocracy? How can furniture talk? How can early ‘90s technology produce a sentient robot? Why would the King of Cartoons deign to visit a backwoods playhouse on a weekly basis? What kind of sea captain can trek inland on such a regular schedule, leaving his ship idle at port? How can “the most beautiful woman in Puppetland” be a human being who, due merely to her species, must be a hideous abomination to most of the locals? How can fish speak while underwater? Why does a playhouse with one occasional resident need a full time lifeguard? Who the hell would be brave enough to sit in Chairy? How could such an aerodynamically compromised pterodactyl manage to fly? How could a person, even a person as shallow as Pee-Wee, waste magic wishes on such petty desires? How can a kite predict any element of the weather apart from the wind direction? Why does Pee Wee let tiny little Randy intimidate him? Why is Randy even allowed to stay in the playhouse, if he’s so abusive? Why are the ants the most typically human characters we ever see? How could someone bring themselves to eat talking food?<br />
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So many unanswered questions. It seems that it would require a vast and complex theory to explain it all.<br />
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Or perhaps not. In science, we look for simple answers. But what single factor can explain all of these strange and diverse mysteries?<br />
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Ladies and Gentlemen, I have your answer. The single factor that can explain everything is Jambi.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihDOllABu6CrcW_sTltOWNNWWc7Bw3mdAOwsPDyn5xq24BgImQK82KtyDMDZrFtJApzKBspDgGn1l2xOr6wFFHFm1Z8eH1_ueYQXzUP22O8jJP9Ni9_2WX3amDEb3pPIO-zOf9kZ0pf1w/s1600/Jambi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Pee-Wee's Playhouse Jambi" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihDOllABu6CrcW_sTltOWNNWWc7Bw3mdAOwsPDyn5xq24BgImQK82KtyDMDZrFtJApzKBspDgGn1l2xOr6wFFHFm1Z8eH1_ueYQXzUP22O8jJP9Ni9_2WX3amDEb3pPIO-zOf9kZ0pf1w/s1600/Jambi.jpg" title="" /></a></div>
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Jambi is the only character on Pee Wee’s playhouse with the incredible power necessary to cause these paradoxes. Jambi is the only one who could create such terrible, sentient monstrosities, and at once rob them of all self-awareness of the bleak horror of their existence.<br />
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But wait, there's a problem with our theory. Jambi can’t execute his will by himself. He needs a person, a host if you will, to make wishes so that he may grant them.<br />
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But who would be sick enough to wish for such things as these?<br />
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You may be tempted to say Pee Wee, and in a way you’re right, but it isn’t as simple as that. Pee Wee may be clinically insane, but he isn’t hurtful. He would never wish a human being into furniture. In fact, he would never do harm to any living thing, except by accident.<br />
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<i>Except by accident.</i><br />
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An accident such as… a misguided wish? A misguided wish, fulfilled by a genie—a mystical creature who, according to myth, is capable of evils even greater than humanity’s.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTWJZT6qVFqMcnWLmgwlAKGYzNnlj2eF6AV6BHv08ooLMRp4NyvK59woeE8dPgCWhw2XliR5-1rRT6H0VF_HTeE2oLlaQi2PRG0iocDNR8KoYQPKZ4qsZAcFhOM5K1hEeU2h0ISmXJmZw/s1600/jinn.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img alt="Genie Djinn" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTWJZT6qVFqMcnWLmgwlAKGYzNnlj2eF6AV6BHv08ooLMRp4NyvK59woeE8dPgCWhw2XliR5-1rRT6H0VF_HTeE2oLlaQi2PRG0iocDNR8KoYQPKZ4qsZAcFhOM5K1hEeU2h0ISmXJmZw/s320/jinn.jpg" height="259" title="" width="320" /></a></div>
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And so the picture becomes clear. Pee Wee discovered Jambi’s box, perhaps on an archeological dig. We don’t know what Pee Wee did for a living, after all. He could have been anything. Perhaps his history is less glamorous. Perhaps he was merely a janitor, cleaning the archives at a museum, when he found The Djinn’s Box.<br />
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Whatever the story, however Jambi caught hold of Pee Wee, the djinn offered him the customary wish. And Pee Wee, because he is such a kind soul, wished for something selfless, something pure, something good.<br />
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He wished for an end to world hunger. The evil djinn Jambi grinned and chanted those chilling, fateful words: “Mekka lekka high, mekka hiney ho!”<br />
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Pee Wee stared into the eyes of the powerful creature and, too late, saw the evil lurking within. “No!” he cried. “I take it back!” But it was too late.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdnUhCiLWlD2oqzC1QBrc6jlCtFZCOwVaEybnl5X0uAJX3nYbbMXH0sK-tQfSaSDyo8Fnk4DAfXvza0ppPVEoT6F3yMvahEiF7GDZ_34TOf45mQTHhUc8GWR8ZfojZELqWOVpw3RqF55o/s1600/Pee+Wee+Trepidation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Pee-Wee big eyed stare" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdnUhCiLWlD2oqzC1QBrc6jlCtFZCOwVaEybnl5X0uAJX3nYbbMXH0sK-tQfSaSDyo8Fnk4DAfXvza0ppPVEoT6F3yMvahEiF7GDZ_34TOf45mQTHhUc8GWR8ZfojZELqWOVpw3RqF55o/s320/Pee+Wee+Trepidation.jpg" height="217" title="" width="320" /></a></div>
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For the only one left was Pee Wee. He ran out into the street to find that he alone was left alive in a world of the dead. A world without life, but a world that would never, ever go hungry.<br />
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“You seem like a nice boy,” Jambi the Worldkiller said to Pee Wee. “I’ll grant you another wish, so you can fix things.”<br />
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Pee Wee fell to his knees and begged, “Take back my wish! Please take it back, Jambi!”<br />
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“I can’t take back your wish, Pee Wee. But I can grant you another.”<br />
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“Then bring them back! Bring everyone back!” Pee Wee was weeping now. “Please bring them back.”<br />
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“If I bring them back,” said the evil spirit, “there will be hunger. That would be taking back your first wish.”<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOoz8Bjv5UtW74VUnsti9SqYh2hCLE5YDq2lKlNNYlnl-aBobshlC7YAFAm0HeT3b9i6ZH7KEXU8NZScNoJ9958bC9hoT1gHLQQZQRXelUwC6ba3nK1njspfImCFRqtdZsHt4Vea-NmFU/s1600/Pee+Wee+Terror.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Pee-Wee's Freakout" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOoz8Bjv5UtW74VUnsti9SqYh2hCLE5YDq2lKlNNYlnl-aBobshlC7YAFAm0HeT3b9i6ZH7KEXU8NZScNoJ9958bC9hoT1gHLQQZQRXelUwC6ba3nK1njspfImCFRqtdZsHt4Vea-NmFU/s200/Pee+Wee+Terror.jpg" height="200" title="" width="181" /></a></div>
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Pee Wee sobbed into his hands. “Then bring them back without hunger! Find a way, I beg you!”<br />
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“Granted.” This time, the magical words chilled Pee Wee to the bone, as the djinn said again, “Mekka lekka high, mekka hiney ho!”<br />
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And the dead rose. Not as living flesh, but as horrible abominations. Furniture. Windows. Clocks. Each took the form of some object, and became an animate creature of felt and stuffing.<br />
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Awaking to this nightmare and seeing what they had become, their horrible screams tore through windows and echoed through the streets. All humankind woke to find themselves transformed into creatures more ghastly and terrible than Kafka’s worst imaginings.<br />
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For they were puppets. But puppets do not feel hunger.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1IR85gX5YeT9czCYfmWiy1xHmo69AofHvu_HDZfTqS_JKxESd61u51agwUwkU0h922FUQgYgtQwvujB8aTROrigrGu401w36qSdAoUtn7xzo2xTVcaq5iNVBV7GgMN3631Cmz7-JTeZ4/s1600/WeeLittlePuppetAngel.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="You're a Wee Little Puppet Man! (Angel)" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1IR85gX5YeT9czCYfmWiy1xHmo69AofHvu_HDZfTqS_JKxESd61u51agwUwkU0h922FUQgYgtQwvujB8aTROrigrGu401w36qSdAoUtn7xzo2xTVcaq5iNVBV7GgMN3631Cmz7-JTeZ4/s320/WeeLittlePuppetAngel.png" height="275" title="" width="320" /></a></div>
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“Don’t despair,” said Jambi. “Not everyone’s a puppet. A few humans remain. Just enough so that there will always be enough food for them. Of course, I don’t know how they’re going to react to what’s happened. Perhaps you should find them and gather them together. I think we’ll all have lots of fun together.”<br />
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Pee Wee blinked through his tears and leveled a hateful gaze upon the djinn. He steeled himself and said, “I wish I were dead.”<br />
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Jambi smiled. “Oh, I don’t know about that,” he said. “Why don’t you take a walk through this new world you’ve created? Have some fun. Then, if that’s what you really want, I’ll grand you another wish in, say, one week?”<br />
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Pee Wee did not respond. He rose silently and walked through the streets. All around him, the puppet people wailed and cried out in their lamentations.<br />
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All because of him.<br />
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And Pee Wee laughed—a mad little giggle on the cusp of sanity. “Ha ha!”Robynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03590226780402632302noreply@blogger.com0