Mail Order

You can buy pretty much anything online, these days, but some things still surprise you.

I draw your attention to Bioreclamation, a company which bills itself as the "complete resource for all biologicals." It's a bold claim, but I think you'll agree that they live up to it, when they deliver fresh human tears directly to your door:

Yes, this is 100% real. If you want to buy some tears from these fine folk, here's the link. You can get your tears from a single "donor," or pool tears from several people. If you want a specific type of tears, like grief tears or onion-chopping  tears, I bet they'll be able to arrange it. But I'm guessing their standard tears come from tragic drifters that nobody will ever miss—drifters who drift no more, because they're now tied up in Bioreclamation's basement, with tubes stapled to their eyeballs.

As always, I do not receive any commission or kickback from the sale of items featured on this blog. That's how you know I'm being honest and objective when I say that you can depend on Bioreclamation for all your fresh human tear needs.

I'll tell you one thing, though, this is sure going to speed up development of my sorrow-powered laser.