Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Digestive System, Part 8: Liver and Cecum


Okay, so by now you've absorbed all those tasty amino acids, sugars, fats, vitamins, and minerals. They've passed through the enterocytes and into the bloodstream (with the exception of some fats and fat-soluble vitamins, which at this point are still wandering around lost in the lymphatic system.) But, now that the bulk of nutrients are in the bloodstream, they must be rushing to the four corners of the body, to be shared equally by your cells and tissues, right?

You’re so ignorant, you disgust me.

Of course they aren't! You can't just give them free rein to wander around wherever they please! There could be terrorists in those nutrients. And what do we do to keep out terrorists? We give them a security screening.

So please remove all shoes and jackets, and place all metal and electronic devices in the tray, because you're in line for the hepatic portal system.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

MRE Review: Menu 19, Beef Roast

In the last couple reviews, we’ve been exploring the problem of MRE under-consumption. According to research commissioned during and after the first Gulf War, the primary problems were:
  1. The food is shit
  2. Field conditions are not conducive to eating
  3. People are fucking stupid
Today, we’ll look at the second item on the list, in an essay that I like to call…

It Ain’t Easy to Eat Dinner When You’re Posted Downwind of a Latrine

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Letter Writing Has Not Gone Out of Style

Hey, have you guys ever read The Lazlo Letters?

As far as zany performance art goes, it's second to none. And, well... let's just say that it's been a bad influence on me. Here's an actual letter that I recently sent to Nathan's Hot Dogs:

Letter to Nathan's Famous Hotdogs: Obscene shape

After I sent that letter off, I sat down and thought, "Okay, I've had my fun. Now, how can my letters help improve the world?" The answer presented itself immediately:

Letter: Beau Bridges

And then, I'm ashamed to say, I reverted to form:

Letter to Queen of England: Bohemian Rhapsody

Plain text transcripts after the break...

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Digestive System, Part 7: The Ileum

Small Intestines: Jejunum and Ileum

The border between the jejunum and the ileum is… not a border. Unlike the organs we've been looking at so far, there is no clear demarcation line between jejunum and ileum. They transition smoothly into each other as we travel down the small intestine, becoming progressively less jejunumy and more ileumy as they go. With no anatomical guidepost to demarcate them, the jejunum is arbitrarily designated as the first 2/5ths of the small intestine (not including the duodenum,) and the ileum is said to make up the last 3/5ths.

The two are not very different. You can have your entire jejunum removed, in fact, with little effect on your health. I mean, I wouldn't recommend super-sizing your meals if you don't have a jejunum, but you can live a basically normal life. Over time, the ileum will even adapt itself, becoming more jejunumy in order to take up the slack.1